I'm An Aunt

5 posts / 0 new
Last post
cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126
I'm An Aunt

My sister-in-law had her baby this morning. I'd be having mine early October if I hadn't lost him or her. I'm so jelous I'm making myself mad. I just don't want to talk about it but everyone else is so excited. Including my husband. He starts talking about it but after a few sentences notices my silence and stops. I know he is done grieving but I'm not. It's been three months and I know I shouldn't still be angry that other people can have children and I lost mine. I shouldn't glare at bad mothers in the street and hate God for letting them procreate and not me. I shoudln't be avoiding my very happy family at this time, but I just don't want to be part of it, you know? Like I said, I'm so bitter right now and so jelous that I'm being a bad person and I'm hating myself for it. My hubby is good about it, but he can't be on no baby conversation alert for the rest of our lives.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Hugs hon. I am feeling similar. My step-sil is due in November with her first, and my baby was due just over a month later. Thankfully we don't see them often, because every time I see that baby, it is going to hurt, cause I already pictured them together a little, ya know. I have another good friend, that I see almost weekly, and she is having a daughter in August, and I was picturing our next kids playing together like our older ones do. It just sucks. I am bitter and jealous myself, and I think it's normal, so don't hate yourself. You are already hurting enough w/o being down on yourself for normal feelings in this whole sad mess. Sad

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Yeah, that's a REAL toughie. I went through that too. It does suck, and you're completely normal. I mean, think of it this way: who WOULDN'T feel like that? People DO feel that way all the time: it's just not socially acceptable to express these natural feelings, and that's why we feel so badly about it. You see, privately we think it's "just us" -- when it's not.

Also, your feelings are real and valid because they're yours. Because they exist. They don't have to make sense to anyone else: it doesn't matter. "So what" if people around you don't get it? It's your experience, your recovery -- not theirs.

I respect the fact that you are truthful and honest. As a result, you're going to move through your grief all the quicker because you are acknowledging how you feel, and getting it out.

I'm glad you got it off your chest here. Vent anytime. We understand and we care about you. We're going to help you through this.

Love,
Nicole

(PS. As for your DH: if it's causing you friction that you're not sharing his joy, you might want to just let him know that you're still struggling right now, and that you're sorry you can't share his joy TODAY. But you might want to add that ONE DAY you WILL be able to enjoy your niece/ nephew. It's not a problem that you can't today -- the little one won't know the difference for quite a long time yet, and his/ her feelings are the only ones that really matter here)

"Even hundredfold grief is divisible by love" ~ Jareb Teague

flutterby4's picture
Joined: 09/04/07
Posts: 219

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone. Those feelings suck, but I think they're normal. Similar to rachelrazzle, my niece had her baby 3 weeks after our little girl would have been here. We found out about her pregnancy about 2 weeks after our loss and I didn't talk to her til her 9th month...I just couldn't. I sent no gifts or anything. I will get to see him for the first time at the end of July and I'm hoping I handle it well. It will be hard to see how big she should have been. Be good to yourself. You have the right to your feelings and it's normal to be jealous and even angry about the bad mothers out there. The pain never goes away, but it does show up less often. You're in my thoughts. Hugs to you.

~Amy

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

You definitely aren't alone and we are all here for you. Hugs to you~ :bighug: