I just had a m/c last week, and my DD's first b-day is on Saturday. All of my IL's are coming to town, and normally that would drive my crazy, so in the state I'm in right now, I'm terrified. It's also going to be difficult because we were planning on announcing the news of the new baby to the family during DD's party, so it's going to be a bittersweet day.
I thought I was doing well emotionally, but today I've cried at least 5 times. Tomorrow is my first day back to work, and when I get home, my IL's will be here waiting. I want to cry again just thinking about it! This is so hard! Please tell me it will get better soon!
I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine having to throw my DD's party right after miscarrying. I am throwing my DD's 3rd bday party next week and I am a little anxious of the guests coming and what they'll say or not say. I miscarried about three weeks ago and I still have days where I cry. I think that it definitely gets better over time. I just feel for you. Your experience was extremely traumatic and everything is just so fresh. Take time to grieve and know that we are all here for you. I have my good days and bad days, but now that it's been three weeks, I'm having more good days than bad days.
Feel free to pm me if you need to talk/vent.
I just wanted to add that right now is a time that you should be able to grieve however and whenever you want to. It may be impossible to "put on a face" and entertain your ILs and guests. Remind yourself that what you've been through will be with you forever and that you are hurting. If you're anything like me, I tend to want to take care of everybody around me and right now I have to constantly remind myself that I just can't do that right now. I'm allowing myself to focus on me, more specifically my emotional well-being. Everybody else can just be patient.
Last edited by Marchmom-to-be; 02-14-2008 at 02:43 AM.
I cannot say that it will get better soon, but I cannot say that it won't either. Each one of us deals with our loss and heals differently. I will say that there will be times that the only reason you get up and face the world is because of that beautiful little girl that depends on you. It is heartbreaking to lose a baby no matter the timeframe of the loss. Please come here any time that you need to vent, cry, let it out, whatever. This is a safe haven and no matter what you are feeling and how crazy it may seem to you at least one of us (unfortunately) has been there too.
I am so very very sorry for your loss. I wish you peace and strength and tranquility.
Try not to give yourself a hard time if you don't want to hang out with everyone every moment of the party.Focus on spending time with your DD and make sure you give yourself some alone time too,even if it means hiding out in the bathroom for a little while.I usually find that as long as I'm busy I'm ok,but once I'm alone in the car or home at my computer,that's when it hits me.Most of all,just remember,you deserve the time to grieve,ask DH to try to keep folks attention off of you if possible.
I TOTALLY know how you feel, in most regards. I had my D&E on January 3, and my son's 4th birthday and party were the very next day. It was soooooo hard to put on a happy face and make the birthday party special for him. And my MIL was here for it all. And you know I have a fine relationship with her, but I just don't care for her all that much, and I was dreading that visit. As it turned out, I was exceedingly thankful she was here. The kids were so enamored with her, that they didn't really even notice how upset and hurt I was. I really was thankful that she was here for the party, because it made it so special for Kaleb inspite of the fact that I was a basket case. Plus I was able to make cupcakes and all of that the day of my surgery, cry the whole time, and he never noticed. It WAS good.
Granted, your daughter is younger, but if she is close with your ILs this can be a blessing for you. What I did, was just try so hard to focus on celebrating, literally, one of the happiest days of my life. It was so hard, and, ultimately for me that was a VERY difficult day because I had to try and shut out the hurt I was feeling. I kept myself busy and surrounded with people...distracted and focused on my son. That night, I took a Vicoden, which helped me fall straight to sleep instead of lying awake crying.
There will be more days like this, though. Times when you think about some part of your life you changed or planned around being pregnant of having a baby. The further along you were, the longer this will last and the more of those things there will be. It sucks, it really does, BUT, I promise you it gets better. Time really does have a way of helping you heal. About a month after my loss, I started to begin to not think about it constantly, and about 5 weeks I was able to regain my composure and push back tears. At six weeks I am ok. It is different for everyone, of course, and I know now you feel like it will NEVER be better, but from someone who has been there, I promise you that it will.
Im so sorry! We were in a similar position a couple of weeks ago. I had found out on Thurs that there was a 90% chance we were going to miscarry and Ava's bday and her party were on Sat. I thought it was cruel that this most special day was shadowed with sorry. In my case, it wasnt a "done deal" though, so the "is it going to start today" was in the back of my head but so was the 10% chance it would be ok. I made it through the day with all the company staying fairly positive, but again, I think I banked on that slim chance we wouldnt mc. A week later, I found out that slim chance was gone. Im so sorry you are in this position. You should be able to grieve as you need to, yet you probably hate to have anything spoil your sweet sophia's special day. I hope you find the strength and peace to have a nice weekend, despite the sadness you will be feeling. Im again so sorry! Ill keep you in my prayers for strength and peace!
oh sweetie, i'm so sorry that this wonderful occasion has been tainted by such a horrible thing, i will be thinking of you. I also understand about the in-laws too, they were the last people i wanted to see after hearing the news about my LO. Unfortunately i had to see them a couple days later, and of course my MIL said all the wrong things, i've just learned that you have to tune them out and ignore most of what they say for your own sanity. Good luck to you and i really hope this day turns out to be better than you are expecting. We are all here for you.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! I definitely understand how you're feeling. We found out we lost our baby at our first prenatal appt. via u/s (9 weeks) on my DS's first birthday. The in-laws were watching DS, and were anxiously awaiting our return to celebrate both DS's birthday and the new baby (both our parent's knew). We were due to celebrate at both our parent's houses and have a big dinner at the in law's. It was the hardest thing to come home and tell everyone we lost the baby, and then put on a happy face and celebrate for my DS. It was probably the hardest day of my life, but I got through it just clinging to DS. I know it will be hard for you, but just hang in there!