I am feeling much much better today. well, since yesterday when i talked with my friend becky. i dont know how she does it, but she calms me down and gets me grounded and brings me back to me. and generally, im more positive and in tune with energy flow and spirituality and thought and nature, not this panicked scared clinical looking for blame/answers kind of person, though i dont blame my self for that, because the last week has been rough. anyways.
last night i just had a hot shower, and visualized the water washing things out of me, all the fears and resentment and sadness and also the physical stuff. i massage my cervix a bit and just sat there for awhile, and pictured it softening up and opening up, thinking about things, and comming to peace with them. i put a red towel on my bed, wrapped up a hot water bottle in an orange scarf, and lit an orange and a red candle (becky has been studying reiki and colour therapy and energy work, its a long explanation, but lies in the lowest two chakras), and then just lay down with the hot water bottle on my uterus, and i just thought about things for a while, and said goodbye to the baby, and told it that now was a good time for us to both just let go, and we'd try again to meet each other in a while, and hopefully be lucky this time. and then i lay there and just visualized the physical aspect of miscarriage, tried to picture my cervix opening, some uterine contractions, the placenta comming away from the wall. when marcus came home, i lay on my belly with the hot water bottle under me, on my uterus, and he did some sacral work (massage on the lowest part of my back), and i pictured the heat of the hot water bottle helping to relax my uterus and let theing move, and he focused on his goodbyes and on my body being able to release this. then he did some work on my ankles, there is a pressure point there related to this. and then we fell asleep.
this morning when i woke up, the pad i had been wearing was clean but i felt a bit wet and checked and sure enough i am finally bleeding, and i was so relieved and thankful.
the bleeding is getting more intense now, and so are the cramps. im wearing a pair of undies with a overnight pad, and then i have a pair of like bicycle shorts- you know, just tight shorts, with a friggin fuzzi bunz liner in there. but i feel good, i feel so much better.
im taking the day to rest and think and reflect. ill have a bath and take a walk in the park by the waterfalls, and ill take a nap and maybe bake something. becky is going to come over after she gets off work at 3, shes bringing her massage table and she's going to do some more sacral work (marcus didnt really know what he was doing last night, but the touch and the focus was there, so...?) and we'll do some energy work too. it will be nice.
so anyways, just thought id let you know that im back, and feeling like me again, and thanks so much for all the hugs and thoughts and prayers and support along the way.