I'm scared to go back to work (m/c, pg, baby ment)

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rubber_da_glove's picture
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I'm scared to go back to work (m/c, pg, baby ment)

Long vent-sorry

My Dr's note to go back to work doesn't run out until the 5th Feb but that will be only 2 weeks since I had my m/c.

I know the exact date my baby died which is also the date everyone at work found out I was pg (I knew on that day something was wrong but all the midwives I sopke to said nothing was wrong with me, so I carried my dead baby around with me for nearly 5 weeks-but thats another thing to moan about)

I work in an office where having a baby is the only thing you do. Everyone has a family, most people have youg babies and one guys wife is due any day. Everyone was so excited for me and it was all we talked about. I know when I get back that people are going to start telling me about their experiances with m/c but I don't think that only 2 weeks later thats what I want to talk about. I don't want people to feel sorry for me and Im fed up pf everyone saying "if there is anything I can do".

I'm just scared of whats going to happen, I don't want to spend my days at work crying. And I know everyone is really happy with their families but I know thats going to upset me too. I don't hate them for being happy I just want someone to understand what it's like to loose a baby.

sorry for moaning, it just helps me to let off steam to right down what I'm feeling. If I actually speak it to someone I will just cry

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Hi,
I was like you....scared to death to go back to work. Fed up with "if I can do anything..." sentence....Let me tell you my experience and maybe it can help prepare you.

I went back on a Monday....big mistake. I wish I had gone back on a Thursday so I would have had to only endure 2 days of being back and stared at....they will stare with the pitying looks. You'll get all the "I'm sorries, can I do anythings, and blah, blah, blahs..." Then the bad part happens. By the third day, the questions start. What happened? What caused this? You can try again. It wasn't a "complete" baby....stupid crap...THEN, people start to tell you THIER stories...They will tell you about how they miscarried and went on to have children. Or they will tell you that they knew someone's uncles, brothers, cousins, aunt that THE SAME THING happened and they are just fine. You might even have some idiots that tell you that you just have to get over it. ~sigh~

I had a HUGE meltdown at work the Wednesday that I got back. I ended up taking a couple of more weeks off. When I came back, it started again but I was a little more prepared. I was snotty and told the curious ones to mind their own business. The nice ones, I just told them that I wasn't prepared to hear about anyone else. I could barely drag my ass out of bed and get dressed...email me if you want to chat.
Lisa

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If you need to, ask your dr for another note - tell him you aren't ready to go back, and I am sure he will extend your time off. But unfortunately, no matter how much time you take off, you will eventually have to face the hard task of dealing with all the people prying. Do you have a friend at work you could call and let them know ahead of time that you DO NOT want to talk about your m/c at work. S/he could spread the word around and then you won't have to deal with all the stupid comments. Otherwise, I would recommend just being firm with people when you first return and they ask about it, just say "I don't want to talk about it" or "I'm not ready to talk about it" or "Thanks for your insights, but I am just not ready to discuss it."

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. It is hard enough to deal with the loss let alone the ignorance of others.

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Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
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Try going in for a visit over the lunch hour just to say hello and get that first time over with. If you are only there for a limited time it will be easier.

Whether or not the dr. lets you have an extended time it is still tough to go back. It is tough to see everyone else moving along with their lives and you just want to rewind and pause yours.

It is easier said than done but just take it one moment at a time.

Antionette
Lily Maria Kathleen :angel1: August 10, 2007

squirlyj's picture
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Could you maybe send an email to the people at work you talk to most? Answer all the questions they probably want to ask, then tell them you don't want to talk about it when you get back?

That's what I ended up doing with my busy-body inlaws and it made a BIG difference. I sent them updates by email and asked them never to talk to me about it.

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"tlmommy" wrote:

Try going in for a visit over the lunch hour just to say hello and get that first time over with. If you are only there for a limited time it will be easier.

This is exactly what I plan to do.

The "firsts" are always the worst. I also am sick of the pity in peoples faces and voices when they talk to me and I am sick of consoling everyone else about my own loss. I wish I had some advice, but I don't. I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel and am feeling the same fears about going back.

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You are right...the looks of pity from people are the worst.
lisanne

rubber_da_glove's picture
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I think I'm going to email the people I work with. I'm not really a people person anyway and I think I will be just as upset if I go in at lunch. I will tell them I am free for Q and A now because when I go back I don't want to talk about it!
Your advice has been really helpful! Thank you ladies

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Going back to work is very hard. I dreaded it severely. I had been gone for nearly ten weeks before I went back and many people did not know my situation. I had to explain things and then everyone felt like an ass for asking and then I felt horrible for making them feel that way. But I digress. It will be difficult but you will survive. If you are not ready for others to share their experiences, then just politely tell them that you appreciate their concern but you are not ready to talk about it in any way. If they push the issue then you may have to push back and let them know that you are just not ready. I hope that your day goes smoothly. I wish you nothing but peace and strength.

Shelly