I'm so upset right now...

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troynicole's picture
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Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
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I'm so upset right now...

I came back to work today, after being off for over 2 weeks because of the holidays and my miscarriage. I came in with a great attitude saying I was going to be ok but within 15 minutes I was outside crying in my car. I had just found out the day I had my D&C that another girl I work with was pregnant...and today my other friend that works here told me she thinks she is! The 3 of us had been trying to get pregnant at the same time. I am so happy for them but so frustrated because I would be 10 weeks now and soon their bellies will be bulging and I will have to see them every day. They are great friends and I try to put up a front but I think I'm going to have to stop going into their office as much because it really gets to me! Then I have co-workers coming in asking for stuff that i totally forgot to do during the two days I did come in for 4 hours after everything happened. I'm still feeling sick to my stomach-I just want to go back home and crawl into bed. This day can't get any worse...

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Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
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Just take it one moment at a time. Do people know why you were off? I still find it hard to concentrate at work and still forget things and I have been back since Oct. 1st.

You may want to share what happened with your two friends so that they understand if you find it hard to be with them some days. You may want to share Amy's email to her friends and family if it is easier (if you don't know which email I am referring to I am sure Amy will repost it. I also have a copy because it is so well written)

I too came back to work to find out someone I work with was pregnant. I too had to watch her belly grow. Fortunately she was very compassionate so I actually didn't have a problem with her (even though she is having a girl). She is off now to start her mat leave early. She is due toward the end of the month.

It will get a bit easier but unfortunately only time helps. Just do what you can manage to get through the day.

Antionette

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I am so sorry. I know it is hard dealing with coworkers who are pregnant, but can I say, without sounding weird, I am proud of you. I have been out of work for 5 months now and the thought of returning sounds me into a complete panic attack. I think you are so strong for being able to return. You can do this. You seem like such a strong person. Do what you need to do to self protect, if that means not visiting them in their offices so much then that is what you should do. If they are really close maybe you could talk to them about how hard this is for you and explain that you are going to keep your distance, but it doesn't mean that you aren't happy for them.
I don't know just a thought.

Big (((HUGS)))
Robin

troynicole's picture
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Trust me, if i could afford to quit or stay home a little longer i would. Both girls are super great people and friends. they are actually the only 2 at work that knew i was pregnant so they know everything. i told them when i knew i was miscarrying that if they got pregnant they better not hide it from me, that i wanted to know. i try so hard to be strong and most of the time i am a very strong person-because of my faith. If it wasn't for that i would never make it through a single day! I keep telling myself over and over that God knows what is right for me and that something just wasn't right with our baby. I just find myself coming on this board every 30 minutes or so-it's comforting to be able to share with others that are in my position and know i'm not alone (although i know i'm not!). everyone on here is so great and i really appreciate the support!

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I am so sorry. I imagine, though, that time will heal your pain and you will be able to separate your pain and loss with your happiness for them. It just will take some time. I can't even look a pg woman's way when I pass her in Target, or pack up baby clothes without crying. One day, the pain will heal enough that we can be happy for our friends, I am certain.
:bighug:

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Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
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There is a good book called When Bad things happen to Good People. Can't think of the author's name right now but it is written by a Rabbi who lost his son. It is non denominational but it is a spiritual book to help people who might struggle with their faith.

If you enjoy reading you may want to get it from the library.

I'll go in and out of the chat room when I can today in case you need to talk.
Antionette

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Well honey, just think that you dont need to do that first day all over again. I have learned that it's the "firsts" that are the hardest when learning to accept our new "normal". Of course, you had it particularly hard by having to deal with pregnancies on your first day back, but i think that you have done well! So what if you cried!! It's to be expected. Hopefully, now that you have gotton the initial news over with you will not feel the need to cry about that particular thing anymore. You said that your friends are great, which will help i am sure.

I'm going back to work too and there are at least 3 pregnant ladies there who i will have to see most days. It's really hard because at the same time as being sad for what i have lost, and see in them, i am also really excited and want to know all about their pregnancies. I am also acutely conscious that they might feel wierd talkign to me about it, given my losses.

It's an inescapable fact that things were a heck of a lot simpler before loss!

Sarah
Mum to...
:angel2: Zane. Delivered by c-section at 41 weeks. Died due to Vasa Praevia. 16-17 October 2006
:angel2: Ada. Delivered by c-section at 25 weeks. Her heart just stopped. No explanation. 7 September 2007
Co-Host of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support.

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Going back to work is rough. I am sorry that yours was complicated even more. Take a deep breath and just deal with one moment at a time.

Shelly