I mean, I was only 4w6d when I miscarried, so I should be "over it" by now, right? Or at least that what it seems like people around me think. I just keep thinking, I should be over 6 wks pg by now. I should be planning for our second little one. I'd like to TTC again, but I really should wait until March for logistical reasons. And then to make matters worse, I really don't have a job (the one I am supposed to have has no work for me) and I am pretty well done with law school - I just have a paper to write, so I have NOTHING to do. NOTHING. It is hard to get my mind off having lost my baby. And now, to make matters worse, I think I CAUSED it. The new study out abt caffeine and pg makes me think my 4 cup-a-day habit is what caused my m/c. I'm really down. I don't know how to get through this. Now my DH is pressuring me to find another job, and I am really scared and nervous about that. I would also like some time to heal from this loss. I just feel so helpless. So out of control. I don't know how to get back into control. I don't know how to move on. Ugg.
Oh ya, and I am having such a hard time posting on my birth board. It seems like everyone is pregnant. I want to be happy for all the ladies, but I can't help but feel a bit resentful and honestly, jealous. Well, I guess that's all I have to say.
Thanks for listening/reading.