Intro and story on my m/c

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Butterfly4707's picture
Joined: 08/29/07
Posts: 57
Intro and story on my m/c

Just like I imagine all of you...I never thought I would post here. I guess that's an unrealistic way to think as this happens to many women even without them knowing.
So here's my story:

I was a member of the Oct 2008 board enjoying life to the fullest. We had been TTC for 5 months and finally it happened. I was at first worried that I had no m/s ever but eventually thought I was one of the lucky ones. So on Thursday 4/17 I went to the restroom and noticed a little dark blood when I whiped. At first I thought...old blood...no worries but I decided to call my doctor. She told me to go to the ER right away. I left work early and picked up DH and headed to the hospital. We were there for 5 hours only for the ER Dr to say...the baby is fine go home and call your OB in the morning. I didn't believe it as the baby was measuring 8w5d and I was 11w1d at that point. My HCG count was at 4323 when it should have been well over 11,000. When I got home I opened the envelope he gave me for my OB and couldn't believe what I was reading...Fetal Demise! I started to cry and scream uncontrolably. I couldn't believe what I was reading. My LO was gone and I couldn't do anything about it.
Friday 4/18 I started to bleed and pass clots. It was happening and again I couldn't stop crying. It was the hardest thing ever!

So here I am 11 days later and still bleeding. This past Friday...7 days after I started miscarrying...my HCG level was at 76. I miss my LO so much and still cry every so often about it. But I'm back at work today and I'm getting better. I'm at a point where I'm ok to see birth shows and preggo bellies and what not. I have faith that my time will come again. DH and I have decided not to try but not to avoid either. It'll happen when it happens.

The physical and emotional pain is like no other and I would never wish this upon anyone ever!!! I'm sorry for everyones loss! Whatever the reason for this happening...no one should experience this pain.

________________________________
~~Eva~~

vbear's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 83

:bigarmhug::bigarmhug::bigarmhug: I am so sorry you are having to join us here

MrsSchepp's picture
Joined: 12/30/06
Posts: 496

*hugs* eva. i, too, never thought i would be posting over here. we lost out little bean about a week ago and the pain and saddness are still so fresh. anything can set me off into a spiral of saddness Sad for me, it helped just to write it all down and get it all out. i'm so sorry you are going through this and i pray you can make peace with the loss of your LO.....

nurseapril's picture
Joined: 01/25/07
Posts: 48

:bighug:

I am so sorry. We are here for you.

April

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry that you are going through this. And I can't believe your experience at the ER.
I hope that when you and your husband are ready that you will get to experience the joys of pregnancy again. Until then, we are all hear for you.

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

Hi, Eva. I'm still thinking of you and so very sorry for your loss. I'm sorry that you have to join us here but it is a good place to come if the day is just too hard. Keeping you in my thoughts~

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

______________________
-Julie

Joined: 02/05/06
Posts: 33

Eva, So sorry we had to cross paths on this board. You sound very strong. I am so angry about your experience in the ER. We are here for you if you need to vent, cry or just talk. Hang in there.
Erin~mommy to angel babies, Quinn and Elliot

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

I am so sorry for your loss! I can not believe how the ER handled your situation...that is terrible. I too hope you find peace and healing soon!! Amy ((HUGS))

Joined: 04/17/08
Posts: 10

Hi Eva, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I agree no one should have to feel this kind of pain. I know how painful this is. It's still happening with me. Sometimes I am ok and sometimes i'm not. It's a grieving process. I have found being at work and staying busy is really good for me. It's too hard to have too much time on my hands to think about it. I just have to try not to although I am reminded constantly because of the bleeding. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for your loss. What and idiot of an doctor! Like he did not think you would not open the letter. chicken sh*t ER Docs.
Hugs!!!!!!!!

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

I'm sor sorry for your loss. I, too was on the October board for a while. I lost mine on April 2nd. Officially anyway. the baby stopped growing at about five weeks or so I'm told. There is nothing more difficult then dealing with this. People just don't get it and so many little things hurt. I thought I was doing alright only to have a breakdown a few weeks later. But, I'm doing alright again. I hope it keeps getting better. Just know that you'll be dealing with a wide range of feelings. They tend to creep up on you. Don't be afraid to vent, These women have been a huge help to me and they will be for you too. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

tina_haley_n_beanz_mommy's picture
Joined: 11/14/06
Posts: 212

:bighug: Hun I am so sorry for your loss. We are here for you.

Joined: 04/21/06
Posts: 96

((hugs)) Eva, I am so sorry you have to be here. yet this is a great group of ladies I wish we all knew eachother on other boards. I am so sorry for you loss. Please know we are here if you need anything. Tori

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Hi Eva

I am SO sorry for your loss -- you're right: it's an absolutely horrible experience that I wish no one ever had to go through.

I'm glad you have written in here -- as you can see from the pp's above, this is a community of love and support. And practical help as well -- yours for the asking. Please let us know how we can help -- the people on this board are a wealth of information, too.

When Dr's act so terribly (like in your ER), and terminology is so cold ('fetal demise' sounds ice cold to me) -- it just makes it worse. The whole thing is just a horrific nightmare. I'm so sorry for the experiences you have just had.

We're all here for you and we care about you. We're going to help you through this.

Love,
Nicole

Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 161

I can't believe you had to read that in a letter from the ER. That is unimaginable!