Just like I imagine all of you...I never thought I would post here. I guess that's an unrealistic way to think as this happens to many women even without them knowing.
So here's my story:
I was a member of the Oct 2008 board enjoying life to the fullest. We had been TTC for 5 months and finally it happened. I was at first worried that I had no m/s ever but eventually thought I was one of the lucky ones. So on Thursday 4/17 I went to the restroom and noticed a little dark blood when I whiped. At first I thought...old blood...no worries but I decided to call my doctor. She told me to go to the ER right away. I left work early and picked up DH and headed to the hospital. We were there for 5 hours only for the ER Dr to say...the baby is fine go home and call your OB in the morning. I didn't believe it as the baby was measuring 8w5d and I was 11w1d at that point. My HCG count was at 4323 when it should have been well over 11,000. When I got home I opened the envelope he gave me for my OB and couldn't believe what I was reading...Fetal Demise! I started to cry and scream uncontrolably. I couldn't believe what I was reading. My LO was gone and I couldn't do anything about it.
Friday 4/18 I started to bleed and pass clots. It was happening and again I couldn't stop crying. It was the hardest thing ever!
So here I am 11 days later and still bleeding. This past Friday...7 days after I started miscarrying...my HCG level was at 76. I miss my LO so much and still cry every so often about it. But I'm back at work today and I'm getting better. I'm at a point where I'm ok to see birth shows and preggo bellies and what not. I have faith that my time will come again. DH and I have decided not to try but not to avoid either. It'll happen when it happens.
The physical and emotional pain is like no other and I would never wish this upon anyone ever!!! I'm sorry for everyones loss! Whatever the reason for this happening...no one should experience this pain.
*hugs* eva. i, too, never thought i would be posting over here. we lost out little bean about a week ago and the pain and saddness are still so fresh. anything can set me off into a spiral of saddness for me, it helped just to write it all down and get it all out. i'm so sorry you are going through this and i pray you can make peace with the loss of your LO.....
I am so sorry that you are going through this. And I can't believe your experience at the ER.
I hope that when you and your husband are ready that you will get to experience the joys of pregnancy again. Until then, we are all hear for you.
Eva, So sorry we had to cross paths on this board. You sound very strong. I am so angry about your experience in the ER. We are here for you if you need to vent, cry or just talk. Hang in there.
Erin~mommy to angel babies, Quinn and Elliot
Hi Eva, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I agree no one should have to feel this kind of pain. I know how painful this is. It's still happening with me. Sometimes I am ok and sometimes i'm not. It's a grieving process. I have found being at work and staying busy is really good for me. It's too hard to have too much time on my hands to think about it. I just have to try not to although I am reminded constantly because of the bleeding. My thoughts and prayers are with you.