Introducing myself - very fresh mc ment

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BellaVictoria's picture
Joined: 10/11/09
Posts: 4
Introducing myself - very fresh mc ment

Hello, my name is Victoria. To be honest, I'm not happy to be posting here, but I really need support. Yesterday, at 6w3d, I lost my first baby. It was the first time I was pregnant, so it was also my first loss. I already miss my baby so much, I miss the plans my fiance and I already had, I miss the feel of everything stretching and growing, but most of all, I miss the love. I know it's silly to think that it already loved me, but I could feel it.

I never got to see it on a u/s, so I'm telling myself it never even had a hb, but that doesn't help. I feel like there is a huge piece of my heart missing, like someone kicked me through the chest. What's worse is my finace isn't handling it well, either. He was so excited to become a father, he almost exploded the day I told him I was pg.

I only got 2 weeks with my little one. I only got two weeks of feeling it grow inside me. It's not fair that I got so little time. I want nothing more than to be a mom, and right now it seems like I won't be strong enough to try again. I just miss this baby with everything I am.

I am so sorry if this brings up dreaded feelings for anyone else. I just can't keep this inside.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Welcome. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and prayers.

sianbeames's picture
Joined: 10/12/09
Posts: 36

Hi,
I am in the same boat as you, i got got told yesterday that i have an incomplete miscarriage, i was 6weeks and 5days, my boyfriend wont even talk about it, he has thrown himself into his work and doing a 20hr shift today.

I don't know how to feel, i feel guilty if i'm laughing and feel annoyed if i keep crying.
and everywhere i look everyone around me seems to be pregnant and that is all i see on telle.

If you ever want to talk or help each other out im here for you xx

BellaVictoria's picture
Joined: 10/11/09
Posts: 4

"sianbeames" wrote:

Hi,
I am in the same boat as you, i got got told yesterday that i have an incomplete miscarriage, i was 6weeks and 5days, my boyfriend wont even talk about it, he has thrown himself into his work and doing a 20hr shift today.

I don't know how to feel, i feel guilty if i'm laughing and feel annoyed if i keep crying.
and everywhere i look everyone around me seems to be pregnant and that is all i see on telle.

If you ever want to talk or help each other out im here for you xx

that's exactly how I feel. I want to try and be happy, but then I remember and guilt just overwhelems me. If I'm sad for a minute or want to let it out, I get mad as well.

deborah74's picture
Joined: 12/14/05
Posts: 698

Hugs

I went thru a similar experience. My baby was wanted for so long and I only had a short time with it too....

Men definately don't know how to react, its not their fault. Noone teaches them how to, us girls talk way more and somehow... well its hard all around. We have an attachment to our babies from the minute we poas and see those beautiful lines.

I found myself looking for answers but after months of driving myself crazy I accepted that there was no reason it just happened.

It does get easier eventually. For now i'd say let yourself cry it out and we are here to support you.

Legal Gal's picture
Joined: 06/24/09
Posts: 56

Victoria, I am sorry for your loss. I felt exactly the same 2 months ago when I lost my first, as well. I was 11 weeks. It has been a difficult road, but slowly, I have been learning to laugh again...to not cry all the time. It still happens. I had a good cry last weekend, where it all just hit me all at once.

I guess the point is, it takes time. Hang in there.

MichelleTheAuthor's picture
Joined: 10/14/09
Posts: 18

"BellaVictoria" wrote:

Hello, my name is Victoria. To be honest, I'm not happy to be posting here, but I really need support.I know it's silly to think that it already loved me, but I could feel it.

I never got to see it on a u/s, so I'm telling myself it never even had a hb, but that doesn't help. I feel like there is a huge piece of my heart missing,

I am so sorry if this brings up dreaded feelings for anyone else. I just can't keep this inside.

:bigarmhug: I am so very very sorry for the hurt and pain you are feeling. Know that so many of us here understand this moment. There is no need to apologize for sharing your heart. And if it's any comfort, you may not have heard a heart beat, but a baby's heart begins to form about 3 weeks after conception. So it was there and you have every right to feel the absence of something you never heard.

I lost my Sarah at 16 weeks, but I felt her spirit leave around 10. Nothing and I mean nothing can describe how torturous that felt. But just like so many of us here, you will find a place within you that can deal with this. Somehow, we are survivors linked together by pain, but bound together by the love we feel for our babies.

Hang in there,
Michelle