This isn't fair (m/c ment)

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MrsMeaganK's picture
Joined: 02/03/07
Posts: 16
This isn't fair (m/c ment)

I found out today that I am m/cing. I started bleeding yesterday morning but it has stopped. I went in to see my doctor today and found out that I miscarried. I haven't bled since yesterday morning, but they gave my some cytotec to help my body "start the process", and if not then I will have to go in for a D&C. (I forgot to mention that I'm BFing so I'm not going to take it). This was a surprise baby, but not loved any less. I feel like I "wished the baby away" because we weren't TTC. I just can't help feel like it's my fault. I'm just devastated... I never even thought about this happening. My sweet little angel baby will be in Heaven with my Dad - I'm sure that he will take care of her until I am able to join them.

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3189

I'm so sorry. You have to stop blaming yourself. These things are so tragic and heartbreaking but you have to remember that when you miscarry, it means there was something medically, physically wrong with the baby and it wasn't meant to be.

I'm so sorry, my heart breaks for you. I went through it myself and it still brings back tears if I think about that time.

You didn't wish the baby away....you didn't do ANYTHING wrong. These things just happen.

Hickory0305's picture
Joined: 12/28/06
Posts: 19

Meagan, I'm so sorry. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. These things happen. They are horrible and completely impossible to understand, but they do.

You are right, though. Your dad will take such good care of this baby for you. I love you!

:bighug:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Meagan, you have to remember its not at all anything you did or thought. It sucks, but its just random.
I was shocked after my m/c to find out that 25% of pregnancies end in m/c.
I hope you are doing ok tonight.
:bigarmhug:

led082607's picture
Joined: 11/17/06
Posts: 47

Meagan, I am so sorry to hear this. But like the others have said, you have to stop blaming yourself. Just like Abby, I didn't realize how common miscarriages were until I suffered through one myself. It's not easy, but just know that we are all here for you!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Hi Meagan,

I am so sorry for your loss. Like the PP's said -- this is NOT your fault.

A quick one from my brimming Tool Box: The 3 C's of Miscarriage

For peace of mind, when we blame ourselves. As women, we tend to do that for far too many things. Okay, the 3 C's:

You didn't Cause the m/c,
You couldn't Control it, and
You couldn't Cure it.

Honest!

I know how horrible and totally devastating m/c's are, and I'm so sorry you lost your baby.
But please don't blame yourself -- there was nothing you did wrong, and nothing you could have done to prevent your loss, honey.

It's good you're venting here -- we care about you, and we're going to help you through this.

Big Hugs,
Nicole

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

Oh sweetheart. I am so very sorry to see you here. It really breaks my heart. If you ever need a cybershoulder, I am only a PM away.

Joined: 07/23/08
Posts: 1

I'm very sorry for your loss. I too just went through a m/c. We were not TTC either but just like you said does not mean we loved this little one any less. Don't blame yourself it is out of our hands.
Emotionally, It is very heartbreaking to go through this. I wish you well during this process.
Hugs!

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

First of all, I am so sorry. Second, stop blaming yourself ( I know, easier said then done). I know how you feel. My hubby and I were not TTC either but were so very happy with the news. When I lost my baby, we were both devastated. And it doesn't help that babies are the popular accessory this season (at least TV makes it look that way). I struggled with it, but decided to go on birth control until I feel emotionally capable of trying again. Sometimes, I feel like I am wishing my next baby away, like I didn't want this one and don't want another. But it isn't like that really and deep down, I know I'm being silly. I hope you come to this conclusion soon. It's painfull enough dealing with a loss without blaming yourself for it too. Vent here, these ladies are wonderfull. Again, I'm so sorry.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I'm so very sorry that you have lost your baby. Miscarriage is terrible, comes with terrible guilt and such, though I too, know you did nothing to cause this. Hugs and prayers.

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is of course not your fault. I think we've all felt that way at some point after losing our angels though. We look for reasons. Talk here anytime; we are all here for you. Sending you strength~

:bighug:

________________
-Julie

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry :bigarmhug:
I went through a M/C in June and was utterly devastated. We were TTC,but,for a day or so I started to get freaked out like I was being unfair to our youngest. Then,I scraped another car while trying to park and the entire street flipped out on me. Even though it was minor and I reported it to the police. I was hysterical and I m/c the next day. I can't help but think it was my fault:(
I think we all feel some sort of screwed up guilt even though it isn't your fault.
You are right. There is not 1 thing fair about m/c.
Thinking of you

:bigarmhug:

Alyson

tina_haley_n_beanz_mommy's picture
Joined: 11/14/06
Posts: 212

I am so sorry. Its def not your fault. I hope you feel better soon.

AveriAndEmmaRMyJoy's picture
Joined: 01/01/07
Posts: 95

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! Its never your fault although I can completely understand where you are coming from. I wish I could hug you right now.

You are right. Your dad will watch over your little baby until you can meet them both again. I'm sorry for your loss and you'll be in my prayers.

MrsSchepp's picture
Joined: 12/30/06
Posts: 496

megan...
i'm so sorry you are going through this. it is teh hardest and most emotional thing i have ever been through in my life. not a day goes by that i don't think of my lost little one and think "what if?" "what could i have done differently?", etc. but i can't let it over take me...
*hugs*
we are here for you....

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so very sorry for your loss.