Its been 2 years today since we lost Jamie Christian. I do not know how I am going to make it through today. I did not want to go to bed last night. I knew that once i did, today would come. I woke up on the hour every hour last night. I dreamt of my little one when i did sleep. I finally got out of bed and within 20 minutes, i was crying. I have cried twice already and i have been out of bed for about an hour and a half. I do not know how i am going to make it today. I feel sick to my stomach. I just want my baby here with me. I keep replaying that day in my head. I find myself holding my stomach even though she is not there anymore. I just want to hold her. I keep replaying everything in my mind. I cannot think about anything else. it was around 7 in the morning that I started bleeding and it was around 9 that I was at the OB's and around 11 I was in the OR fighting for my life. How am I going to make it through today? It feels like I cannot even breathe. When i go to work today, i am going to make a beautiful cemetary cone and bring it to her tonight. I wanted to spend the day at the cemetary and Jim told me that he would call me if he needed anything but I have to force myself to go to work. I will be missing time tomorrow for my appointment. Dear God, PLEASE help me through today.