Hi ladies, I just really needed a vent, to clear my head, sorry it's a little long
It's 2.20am here, and I can not sleep. It's been 3 weeks now since I lost my bean, and I'm just really sad about it now for some reason. I guess I've been rational about it this whole time, since I was only 5 weeks, I'm so thankful it was only early on. I guess what I'm most upset about is I just really want to be pregnant again. We tried for a long time, and it finally happened, and for a week, I was so extremely happy that finally we could stop trying. For the last two years I've been thinking of nothing but getting pregnant, and I just can't believe how cruelly it was taken away, just like that. I wish I had never gotten pregnant. I'd be in the 2 week wait now.
My doctor gave me the go ahead to TTC this cycle, and my chart's all whacky still. I wish it would just sort itself out, and let me ovulate already. I don't think I can really handle an anno cycle right now. The one thing that made all this ok, was that we could try again this time, and I just had this strong feeling I would ovulate like last cycle, and we'd be pregnant again.
Another thing getting me down, is the fact that noone has really acknowledged the fact I lost a baby. I know it wasn't really a "baby" but still. DH never got upset, it was like it didn't really bother him at all. My sister in law also suffered a loss, the same time as I did, but she was 7 weeks. I love her, and I'm glad I have her, as she's been an absolute support for me, we've gone through it together. But I just feel like I'm disregarded, because she was further along, and "not as strong" as me. She got flowers, and presents and cards from DH's family, and no one has even phoned me. Am I being selfish?
Anyway, I'm just really sick of waiting to ovulate right now, it's really getting me down. I can't wait to feel the sore boobs, the brown implantation spotting, and see those wonderful two lines again.
Thanks for listening, and I'm sorry it was a little long