I haven't been posting much lately as I have been trying to stay busy and not think about all my losses, but I have been lurking. Well, today I had my annual exam with my ob/gyn (which had not treated me for my last two losses, because I was seeing a specialist). Anyway, they had forwarded notes from these losses to my ob/gyn so he was aware. But, there were things that I had to update him on and it just brought back up all my feelings. I didn't mind telling him because I want my doctors to know everything, but just repeating it all again was sad. He was very concerned and I know they want to help me, but I just want to move on.
Also, I was supposed to go to my follow up appt. today with my specialist, but I had to reschedule it. Anyway, I thought they would at least have the results from my d&c last month, but they didn't. So, I am wondering what my follow up was even going to consist of since they were not going to be able to tell me anything about this last loss yet. That was the main part of the appt, because the last follow up I had with them earlier this year was only that. There was no examination only discussion on what they thought happened and what they suggested doing. Well, I am in no way ready to decide to try again if they can't tell me what happened. And, I completly know they may not find any reason for this last loss.
But just one time, I would love to be able to hear this is the problem and here is what we can do for it OR there is nothing we can do for it. Anything, but the same thing I always hear; we don't know why, so you should be fine next time. I can't try again with that answer. I can't put myself or my dh through this again.
Now, I just want to curl up and mourn my 7 angels in peace.
Thanks for reading and letting me vent, I think I just needed to let this out.