I lost my second baby a few weeks ago. Since then I've been to see a new Dr. It was suppossed to be my eight week appointment but instead it was a general appointment to cover issues around both losses and fertility complications I may or may not have (I have some scar tissue above my cervix and two losses so I"m a little worried the baby thing might not be in the cards for me ya know?). I really like my Dr. He was compasionate and clear. He took the time to really talk to me. I have some terrible Drs over the last year (since the first time I got a possitive test). It's good to felt listened to, even if there is nothing he can do since I lost both babies too early for any real testing or such things. But at least I have care now. He said that next time I'm trying, to skip the whole family Dr. process and go right to him. That's great becase my family Dr. is really nice, but dumb as bricks and hates to give bad news and therefore avoids it as best she can by not booking appointments or giving half truths. Anyway, I'm rambling. What I really wanted to get at here is the saddness that will not go away. I'm staying busy to keep from thinking about it, which makes me tired. Then, I stop being busy and I start thinking about it. I can't wait for the school year to end (I'm a teacher) so that I can sleep (I can't fall asleep at night anymore-minds going too much) and yet I'm worried that all the time off will put me over the edge. My poor husband, who is ever so understanding and supportive is starting to feel the strain of my over-emotional behaviors, even if he is too nice to tell me. And I'm starting to withdraw from the few friendships I have since most of my friends are pregnant or have young children or live in another province. I"m trying not to be anti-social but I just don't have the emotional backbone to keep up pretences of happiness for long periods of time.