Just so sad

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cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126
Just so sad

I lost my second baby a few weeks ago. Since then I've been to see a new Dr. It was suppossed to be my eight week appointment but instead it was a general appointment to cover issues around both losses and fertility complications I may or may not have (I have some scar tissue above my cervix and two losses so I"m a little worried the baby thing might not be in the cards for me ya know?). I really like my Dr. He was compasionate and clear. He took the time to really talk to me. I have some terrible Drs over the last year (since the first time I got a possitive test). It's good to felt listened to, even if there is nothing he can do since I lost both babies too early for any real testing or such things. But at least I have care now. He said that next time I'm trying, to skip the whole family Dr. process and go right to him. That's great becase my family Dr. is really nice, but dumb as bricks and hates to give bad news and therefore avoids it as best she can by not booking appointments or giving half truths. Anyway, I'm rambling. What I really wanted to get at here is the saddness that will not go away. I'm staying busy to keep from thinking about it, which makes me tired. Then, I stop being busy and I start thinking about it. I can't wait for the school year to end (I'm a teacher) so that I can sleep (I can't fall asleep at night anymore-minds going too much) and yet I'm worried that all the time off will put me over the edge. My poor husband, who is ever so understanding and supportive is starting to feel the strain of my over-emotional behaviors, even if he is too nice to tell me. And I'm starting to withdraw from the few friendships I have since most of my friends are pregnant or have young children or live in another province. I"m trying not to be anti-social but I just don't have the emotional backbone to keep up pretences of happiness for long periods of time.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Hugs, I am sorry for your loss. I would talk to your doctor about not sleeping. Maybe he can give you something like Ambiem to help you sleep. Lack of sleep can do crazy things to your body, and increase your depressive feelings.

Child ment

Have faith. We adopted b/c I could not get pregnant. (Actually we picked our son Jonathan up at the airport 4 years ago today. He was adopted from Korea. Within a few months of being home I was pregnant with Alex. So, do not give up hope. Ever!

Hang in there, things will get better in time. Please make sure you do things for you, bubble baths or a nap each day.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Hugs hon. I might talk to your doc about ambien or a mild anit depressant. I was depressed this year, bad, I don't think I realized how bad until I was through it. When I start to feel really emotional and sad, I try to make an effort to call someone that does not have small children, so that there is no convos about stuff that is already upsetting me. Smile But then there are the other days when I watch miscarriage videos on youtube and cry.

Hugs and prayers!

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

I thought I was the only one who did that (the videos). Thanks for the thoughts guys. I know that sometimes the only thing that makes it better tis talking to someone who knows and other times, that only makes it worse. Thanks for taking the time.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm guilty too of watching videos. I am not sure if it helps or makes me more sad.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I second that Missy, sometimes I feel like I am just wallowing in self-pity watching videos... but I do it anyhow. I think it helps to know that someone actually understands how I am feeling.

stupidcomputer's picture
Joined: 12/11/08
Posts: 374

:bighug:

SparkleMomma's picture
Joined: 04/24/02
Posts: 648

:bighug:

Again, I am sorry this is happening. I am really glad that you have found a doc here finally that you like, that is very important.

Keep in touch and we need to meet up one of these days Biggrin

Diane
Mommy to 5 Angels in Heaven

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

Thanks Diane. It's so strange to feel like you "know" someone when you've never met in person. I've appriciated all of your support over the last year. That goes for everyone here too. I'm so glad April is almost done. Twice I've lost babies in April and I just can't stand the entire month. It's such an ordeal. I'm going to be so glad when the calendar says May. I know thats silly, but it's how I feel right now.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

May sucks for me, I lost two babies that month too.
Sending hugs.

sunnycrest's picture
Joined: 11/13/05
Posts: 57

Huge hugs.

SparkleMomma's picture
Joined: 04/24/02
Posts: 648

No worries hon, I totally feel the same way. I still hate my DD months and loss dates.

:bighug:

Diane