I lurk here daily because I feel such a connection to you ladies. When I lost my daughter I would of done so much better with a board like this My love & support for you all through this tough time of year
I was 18 & with my now DH for 2 months when we found out I was pregnant, quite the suprise We were living with his parents & shocked but new our life together was meant to be. I had what Dr.'s call a "Normal Pregnancy" I had 2 routine U/S's & monthly routine visits to my OB. I was due August 30th 1999 with our firstborn daughter Anna Kiara. August 27 my DH & I were at a friends house for dinner. I was tired but felt pretty good for being 9 months pregnant. When we got home DH asked me how baby was & put his hand on my belly to feel her move. A nightly routine, but we waited & waited but thought maybe she was sleeping. Finally after an hour she moved a bit. So we drifted off to sleep. That morning I woke up to contractions 4 minutes apart & I thought "Yeah, we are having a baby..." So at 5am my MIL & DH got in the car & drove to the hospital. We were put in the little room & hooked up to the baby moniter/contraction machine. But the nurse could not find the heartbeat She said sometimes when they are breech they have a hard time....... But the U/S machine needed to warm up & I was nervous but hoping for the best. I actually had no idea that she something could of happened. But the tech came in & searched & serached for 20 min.s not saying a word. SHe was also standing in front of the monitor so I could not see it. She said the Dr. would be in..... Well this horrendously mean physician to be comes in & looks at the U/S for 1 minute & turns to me & says "Your baby is dead" My MIL says "no way" The PTB says "Look at the screen lady it's dead" I will never forget her terrible manner & mean face Then the Real Lady Dr. comes in asked me if I did drugs because sometime that kills babies I was in tears, I said "Of course NOT" How incredibly rude right Well they put me in a room & hooked me up to potocin to speed up my labor, I begged for a c-section but they wouldn't do it. I had an epidural & just sat in that room in shock for 15 hours About 45 min. before Anna was born the epi wore off & the promise of no pain was a thing of the past & I was screaming in pain.....The Dr. H ( A different Dr. than in the morning) came in was ever so sweet & had the PTB (yes, the same BI*CH...from that morning) the was sooo mean & rough with me, she tore me open to get the HUGE vacuum in my hooha but Dr. H pushed her aside & did it in 5 sec. She never came back after that & if she did I never saw her. Anna Kiara was still born at 6:57pm at 39 weeks, 5 days due to a 4 X's nuchal cord accident Her cord was wrapped around her neck 4 times. We held her, bathed her, she was baptised, got her dressed & I had a fabulous nurse who helped us get through this, she was amazing.
It has been 8 years since Anna was born. The pain is always there but we just learn to live with the heartache. It does get easier but there is always an empty chair at our table. I am sure you all understand that. Every year for her birthday we send her pink ballons for every year old she is. Every Christmas we decorate her grave with a Christmas tree. Her picture is on our wall & I write a poem every year on her birthday & send it to everyone I know. That way I know for that breif time they thought of her. As time goes on it is hard to realize that people move on & may not remember our Anna, But I mention her at every chance I get & do all I can for people to realize that mentioning her name doesn't make me hurt anymore than I do daily.
That is the story of My Angel
Born Silently August 28, 1999
6 pounds 4 ounces, 18 inches long
Thanks for Reading ~ Heidi
Last edited by SAHM2AZL&K; 12-14-2007 at 11:27 AM.
I am so sorry for your loss. thank you for sharing your story. It gives me hope to know that one day I will feel better, I understand I will always have a whole in my heart but at least I know life will return to normal.
I am sorry the hospital staff was so horrible. You and your daughter deserved better.
I remember reading your Anna's story when we were on TTC 0-12 Months together. I remember back then that i was saddened and felt for you, but reading it again now i actually cried. It's not until you know that it really hits home is it?
Thank you for coming out of lurkdom and sharing with us. I will remember Anna forever.
I am so sorry about Anna. Our son Quinn (who would be seven in Feb.), also died from a cord accident. It is still so fresh, isn't it? I am so sorry you had to go through it the way you did. Thank you for sharing.
Last edited by Erin73; 12-15-2007 at 09:06 PM.
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thank you for sharing your story. I am sure that Anna is up above explaining things to all of our little ones. She is truly blessed to have such a loving mommy. I wish you peace during this holiday season.