I left a note for you on the Sept 09 board but again wanted to let you know that I am so very sorry for your loss.
I've had a few 2nd trimester losses but did opt to have them all naturally at home. With one however I was one day away of going for an induction due to my body's reaction.
I can say honestly that I would do what you feel most comfortable with hon. This is a horrible experience and I agree with Missy that there isn't a "right or wrong" way to go through this.
Due to the stage you were at, know that your labor will not be like your previous birth. As someone else experienced, you won't have to dilate to 10. As with all pregnancies, each person's experience is different. You may have an easier time with the placenta than another person.. but if you would like to have an epidural then certainly share that with your caregivers.
If you would prefer not to see the baby, that is ok. You could also ask that someone in the nursing staff take pictures if you *may* wish to see them someday. I would also suggest that you do either find out the gender or that you have that information recorded on you medical records and/or written and placed in a sealed envelope. This gives you control over the information in the future if you want to know.
*sigh* Again, I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. From my own experiences, as others shared, *if* you opt to view the baby, you will find that the skin tone is darker than you are used to. Depending upon the reason for the loss, you will not know regarding whether the baby's physical appearance will be otherwise normal or not. I can share that I was in awe of their tiny perfection. I did not opt however for pictures as I knew personally that would be a struggle for me. I have seen some beautiful pictures of other's children though and know they treasure them dearly. Again, I believe it is just a personal choice... but one that you are forced to make one way or another as this is one of those moments that you cannot get back.
Know you will be in my thoughts and prayers hon. I'll esp. pray that things go as smoothly as possible for you.
Thank you so much for all your responses. I can honestly say this thread helped me in so many ways to prepare for what was to happen to me.
Physically I am ok now, but emotionally we are on a rollercoaster and feeling very overwhelmed at times.
I remember Sarah (uropa) saying to me that it is amazing what human beings can cope with and it is so true. The nursing staff were wonderful and very kind to us. It was quite torturous being on a normal labour ward hearing babies being born in the rooms around.
I haven't fully processed what happened yet but basically after almost 18 hours of complications and labour there is a new, extra special, little star in the sky now.
Last edited by sunnycrest; 04-13-2009 at 04:17 AM.
Oh honey. Sometimes it takes a while before you understand. I am sure you are feeling shock and disbelief, all part of the greiving process.
Please remember that you do not have to explain anything to everyone until you are ready. It is OK to say that you are not up to discussing things. People do not udnerstand death, especially that of a child, and many times their concern turns into them saying something stupid.
Please keep posting as often as you need, that is what we are her for.