Labour following M/C (m/c ment)

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sunnycrest's picture
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Labour following M/C (m/c ment)

I have just found out today that my baby did not make it. I should be 16 and a half weeks and the baby measured 16 weeks but had no heartbeat.

I am obviously devastated. However the thing that is upsetting me the most at the moment is the impending labour. I can't process any thoughts and grieve until i have gone through the labour. I am dreading it.

I was given a tablet today and have to go back in 48 hours (Sat morning) for labour to be induced. They have told me that it will take around 9 hours and is like a normal labour.

I just wondered if anyone would mind sharing their experience. I just feel that it is going to be so traumatic. I have never wanted an epidural with normal labour, but i think i just want to be numbed so i can't feel anything. Do you know if this is an option?

I know from what i have read in the past that people say to name the baby, spend some time etc. However i just don't know if i even want to look. I don't know if i want to know if it was a boy or a girl. I just have in my mind that it was a perfect baby that didn't make it and i want to keep it in my mind. I don't know if i would find it harder once i had seen it. I feel bad feeling this.

Thanks in advance.

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I'm so sorry for what you are and will be going through. I just wanted to send :bigarmhug: your way

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I am so so sorry for your loss. It is heartwreching for me to read that you have to experience this. I have had a similar experience so I wanted to share it with you. I noticed one morning last September that my stomach seemed smaller. I was just barely 17 weeks pregnant. I went in for an ultrasound and the doc discovered that the baby had passed and was measuring at 16 weeks 5 days or so. I had no answers at all at that point and was admitted to the hospital later that evening to be induced. They gave me the tablets to begin labor. All through the night and the next day I was sick to my stomach because of the tablets (a common side effect). It was awful. I started experiencing contractions about 14 hours after being admitted so I was given an epidural. I delivered the baby a full 24 hours after being admitted. I only needed to reach about 4 cm dilation before the baby came out. It was a struggle for my doctor to get all of the placenta and afterbirth out, so she was grateful that I had opted for the epidural, and said if I hadn't that I would have had to been taken into the operating room to have it removed.

The baby had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, and that was the reason for her passing. The nurse wrapped her up in a blanket and allowed us to hold her. It was so hard to see our perfect little baby but know that she wasn't alive... but I know that I would have regretted not holding her so I'm glad I chose to. A volunteer organization came in and dressed her and took pictures of her, the even took tiny little foot molds of her feet. We named her Whitney and spent a good couple of hours with her. We had her remains cremated, and we keep them in a small heart box that we purchased from a store called "Things Remembered."

Again, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. But please know that even though you feel alone, you are not. We're here for you! So many of us have experienced similar losses. Please feel free to PM me anytime if you would like to chat, or vent, or whatever you need. I think about Whitney every single day... and I'm sure I will for a very long time. You must do what's right for you right now, but keep in mind that you may feel differently in the future so I would highly recommend holding and naming your baby.

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Hugs. I am so very sorry for your loss. I have not had a later loss, so I have no advice there, but I am sure that you can opt for an epidural. I would prefer natural labor myself, but in this case, I am pretty sure I would opt for an epidural.

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I am so sorry for your loss. My SIL lost twins at 24 weeks. They were born a few days apart and we only saw the second baby. The hospital dressed him in a little gown and we got to hold him and take pictures. They had him baptised in the hosptial. They were cremated and placed together in an urn. They are buried in the family plot.

Do NOT let them force you to do anything you do not feel comfortable in doing. If you do not want to see the baby it is your choice, there is no "right or wrong". Do not feel guilty like you have to see the baby if you choose not to.

Honey, talk it over with your doctors. There is an option of a D&E at around 16 weeks. It is like a D&C, and would avoid labor. Some people chose this option.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I have had a similar loss. My daughter Rebecca was born at 16 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. It is true that it is real labor. I was in the hospital 5 days on bed rest trying to get my bag of water to go back in so that I could be stitched up, that did not happen. My water broke at 10:00pm on June 18, 2007 and I delivered Rebecca at 11:31pm. It was painful but I did it without medication. You will be surprised at how he/she looks, they are very dark in color although Rebecca looked perfect, just like any other baby. I suggest taking tons of pictures (I did not and regret that) also hold her because I treasure that now in looking back. I do regret not having enough pictures or hand/foot prints of her. Also I only held her for 5 minutes because I had to go to surgery to remove the placenta that was stuck. It will be a very emotional time for you, with the loss and hormones from pregnancy but try to be in the moment and give yourself time to see your baby.

I wish you all the best and I hope the labor part goes fast for you. Hugs to you.
Robin

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I also had a second trimester loss just before 16 weeks. My doctor was going to do a D&C but I had him at home early that morning. I didn't have strong feelings about wanting to see him at the time, but now I'm so glad I did. I love having pictures so I can see him anytime I want. My little boy had trisomy 13 and did not look normal or perfect. It was a bit of a shock at first, but I still feel in love. I understand your fear of seeing him or her, but please think about it. It may really help you heal in the future.

Do not feel bad about your feelings though! I completely understand why you want to keep that vision of a perfect baby in your mind and if that's what you decide, I would ask to see if a D&E is an option, or tell the people at the hospital how you feel.

Good luck and I hope you have a very fast and painless labor. :bigarmhug:

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:lurk:

My loss was earlier than yours (13 weeks and baby measured 10), but I do want to say that I often wish I had had the courage to look at and hold my baby. I had a natural m/c at home (I sooo wish I had been offered the chance to do it at the hospital) and when he came out, I just buried my head in a towel until my hubby got him wrapped up where I couldn't see. At the time, I didn't think I could handle it, but now I wish I would have made myself. I often long to know what he looked like and now I never will. It will be difficult, but I would urge you to spend some time with your baby.

I'm also a NCB person in a normal labor situation, but I think in this case, getting the epi will at least take away some of the physical pain. You'll be going through enough without having to deal with labor pain unnecessarily. If you just don't want the needle in your back, they should be able to give you other pain meds.

Whatever you decide, I hope it is as comfortable and easy as possible and that you will be able to find peace.

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

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I am so , so sorry for your loss. Yes, an epidural should be an option to you. I have had two second trimester losses. The first was at little past 16 weeks. In the emergency room, the doctor mentioned a D&E, that was not something I would consider for myself. They gave me demerol but it made me doppy. My second loss was just shy of 19 weeks and I had an epidural. I agree with the pp who mentioned taking pictures and spending time with your baby if you can and feel up to it. As someone who has been through this twice, I regret not spending time with my first son to take him in and study him since I will never have that chance again. With my sons, there were no abnormalities, I had an incompetent cervix.

My heart goes out to you at this time.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. I really appreciate them and it is comforting to hear them and know a little what to expect.

I am going to bed soon and have to go to the hospital at 8am for the inducement, so thank you once again for your support.

xx

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((((HUGS))))) Sarah,

I left a note for you on the Sept 09 board but again wanted to let you know that I am so very sorry for your loss.

I've had a few 2nd trimester losses but did opt to have them all naturally at home. With one however I was one day away of going for an induction due to my body's reaction.

I can say honestly that I would do what you feel most comfortable with hon. This is a horrible experience and I agree with Missy that there isn't a "right or wrong" way to go through this.

Due to the stage you were at, know that your labor will not be like your previous birth. As someone else experienced, you won't have to dilate to 10. As with all pregnancies, each person's experience is different. You may have an easier time with the placenta than another person.. but if you would like to have an epidural then certainly share that with your caregivers.

If you would prefer not to see the baby, that is ok. You could also ask that someone in the nursing staff take pictures if you *may* wish to see them someday. I would also suggest that you do either find out the gender or that you have that information recorded on you medical records and/or written and placed in a sealed envelope. This gives you control over the information in the future if you want to know.

*sigh* Again, I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. From my own experiences, as others shared, *if* you opt to view the baby, you will find that the skin tone is darker than you are used to. Depending upon the reason for the loss, you will not know regarding whether the baby's physical appearance will be otherwise normal or not. I can share that I was in awe of their tiny perfection. I did not opt however for pictures as I knew personally that would be a struggle for me. I have seen some beautiful pictures of other's children though and know they treasure them dearly. Again, I believe it is just a personal choice... but one that you are forced to make one way or another as this is one of those moments that you cannot get back.

Know you will be in my thoughts and prayers hon. I'll esp. pray that things go as smoothly as possible for you.

~Missy

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Sending prayers for tomorrow. When you feel up to it, let us know how you are doing.

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I hope all went okay, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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I was thinking of you today. I hope everything went as well as can be expected :bigarmhug:

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I've been thinking of you lately. :bigarmhug: I hope you are ok.

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Thank you so much for all your responses. I can honestly say this thread helped me in so many ways to prepare for what was to happen to me.

Physically I am ok now, but emotionally we are on a rollercoaster and feeling very overwhelmed at times.

I remember Sarah (uropa) saying to me that it is amazing what human beings can cope with and it is so true. The nursing staff were wonderful and very kind to us. It was quite torturous being on a normal labour ward hearing babies being born in the rooms around.

I haven't fully processed what happened yet but basically after almost 18 hours of complications and labour there is a new, extra special, little star in the sky now.

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Oh honey. Sometimes it takes a while before you understand. I am sure you are feeling shock and disbelief, all part of the greiving process.
Please remember that you do not have to explain anything to everyone until you are ready. It is OK to say that you are not up to discussing things. People do not udnerstand death, especially that of a child, and many times their concern turns into them saying something stupid.
Please keep posting as often as you need, that is what we are her for.

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{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Sarah, thank you for the update. We're here if you need us.

~Missy

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Sending huge hugs to you.

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continued hugs and and prayers.