It has been one week since my D&C. It was last Tuesday. It went by very quickly and the procedure itself wasn’t bad.. I don’t remember a thing, which is good, and I don’t remember it being that painful. I was sent home with motrin and percocet. I barely spotted after the procedure, and I was thinking “thank goodness.” The event itself is trying enough, I didn’t want any reminders… Wednesday I was feeling really well so I cleaned the house. Around 3:00 I started getting some cramps so I took some percocet. My husband came home and we went to Spiderman 3 since I was feeling so well. During the movie my stomach started hurting more. When we got home I waited an hour to take 2 more percocet because my cramps were really getting bad. 30 min after taking the second 2 percocet, I decided that maybe it was my bladder being full and thought that if I peed maybe I would feel better. When I went to the bathroom there was blood everywhere. It was just gushing and I felt so sick and was in so much pain. My husband took me to the ER where they pulled out some tissue that was sort of caught in my cervix. I guess that some was still left over from the D&C the day before. I got lots of pain meds , anti nausea drugs and anti itch drugs in the ER, so was feeling pretty well. The bleeding slowed down after the tissue was pulled out and today I am barely spotting.
So onto today. Today was my “post op” check up.. Basically to see how my mental status is doing. Do I need to see a therapist, ect? Anyway, all last week (after Wednesday night) I was doing really well. I don’t think I even cried after the ER.. We were actually talking about TTC again (after my 2 cycles- maybe just one). So today I was brought back to the doctor’s room. They put me in the exact same room that I was in when they told me my baby had died. The room is plastered in gestational fetal development posters, more so than other rooms. After they took my vitals, I was left alone… and I flipped out. I honest to God had a panic attack. I actually left the room and stood in a supply closet across the hall (the door was propped open). When the aid came back I made her put me in another room.. It was horrible. I don’t know why my doctor’s office doesn’t have a bereavement room. Pictures of fetal development is the LAST thing I want to see or THINK about right now.. AND ALL FOUR WALLS!!!!! It was horrible sitting in that room. I don’t know if any of you had ever had a panic attack, but I felt like the walls were caving in on me, literally. Even before the appointment, when I was waiting. Some girl came up to the window asking about prenatal appointments (just found out she was pregnant today)… I WAS SO MAD…..(Our DRs office waiting room is the size of a large closet, believe me I was trying not to pay attention).. I think that they should have SEPARATE waiting rooms AND bereavement rooms for people who have suffered a loss. I don’t think that they realize what torture it is… Is it just me????? Maybe I am going crazy…….. Tomorrow I have to go back to work. I work as a pediatric nurse in a pediatric clinic. I thought I was ready, honest I did. After today, I am not so sure. I was studying to be a lactation consultant. I was not even home a week after my formal course when I was told the baby had died. Now I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to help babies, let alone LOOK at them????? This is SO hard.. I don’t think I am ever going to get over this..
I am so sorry for the soap box.
:cry: :cry: :cry: