Leecy's loss anniversary (children ment)

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Joined: 04/22/06
Posts: 6
Leecy's loss anniversary (children ment)

It is hard to believe that it has been 3 years since we lost Leecy. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I have been looking through her memory box and my pregnancy journal today. We are probably going to go out to see her tree at the prayer garden tomorrow.
Leecy was my 4th child. I have 4 living children and I love them dearly and know how lucky I am, but I always get sad around this time of year and especially today. My family should have one more precious girl in it and I often wonder what she would have looked like and how she would be today.
I have a friend that was pregnant at the same time and her son just turned 3 in March and when I see him doing things and learning things and getting bigger sometimes I just wonder would this be what Leecy would be doing now. They would have been friends together and played together and grown up together.
Most people don't understand that I still get sad and wonder about her even though I have had a son since her loss. While having Aaron did heal a part of my soul, it couldn't cure the pain completely. I do cherish my living children, but I mourn what my family could have been like if Leecy would have lived.
I don't post often. Mainly around her loss date and her due date. Thanks for listening. Just putting the thoughts to words helps me to feel better.
Valerie

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. No matter how many children you may have, loosing one is never any less painfull. Nothing can make a loss less and although I don't know you at all, my thoughts are with you. It's okay to feel all the things you are feeling and it's good to get them out.

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I can only begin to imagine what you are feeling as Damien's first angelversary hasn't happened yet.

I do know that I see a coworker's son (2.5 weeks older) and compare what Damien would have been doing at this point.

I wish you peace and hugs.

Shelly

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
(child ment)

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm in the same boat as you. We are blessed to have our living children, but we love our angels equally so. We have lost babies all the same, and no baby can ever be replaced. It's a horrible, intense, sobbing grief.

Since it's been 3 years and you have been blessed with Aaron, I imagine that a fair bit of healing has taken place in your soul. Me too -- it's been awhile. I'd like to encourage you to post here more often -- it's a very healing thing to do. In my experience, this has greatly accelerated my movement through the stages of grief.

In two years, I've only started two threads here -- once to pour out my pain. Wow! 24 hours later, there were dozens of loving replies. I felt so loved.

My other posts have all been replies, and these are just as healing. When I write in, it's win-win -- first and foremost, I get to reach out to someone who's suffering and try to pass on to her some hope, as well as my experience. I don't post all that often, but when I do post -- well, it's a book! That's because I always give ALL that I can. I want to give her EVERYTHING I've got: support, hope, a practical idea or two, and love.

And to keep on healing, all I need to do is give what I can: you see, in order to keep it, I have to give it away. A fascinating paradox! And when it comes back to me again, it's tenfold.

So I hope you will post here more often. Your story will benefit others too, big time. The new people benefit by believing that it WILL get better, that there WILL come a time when the pain is not as great -- because when you're in those early days, you never think it's going to get any better: simply because you don't KNOW that it will, remember? But when we hear from people who have 'been there' and they tell us it gets better, we believe them. And it is our great, shared truth.

We will all always love our angels, and carry them with us. But we CAN be happy again, and we CAN make it through these terrible anniversaries with less sadness and grief. I believe that my angel babies, wouldn't want their mommy to be heartbroken and mentally fixated on their anniversaries. I want their little spirits to be happy and at peace, and I believe that they want the same for me.

Thanks to participating on this board, I no longer dread and scarcely think about the exact dates and ages of my angels; and some "anniversaries" have even come and gone, without my being aware of them. It's not that my love for them has diminished at all (never!), but the mental torture is steadily evaporating.

Please keep posting here -- share your pain, and share your healing. I hope you will. Thank you for reading this far.

Love,
Nicole

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

Hugs to you, Valerie~

:bighug:

________________
-Julie

nurseapril's picture
Joined: 01/25/07
Posts: 48

I, too, have not reached my son's birthday/anniversary, and I can't imagine what its like. Right now, the months are hard. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

:bighug:

April