Letter to my friend & all mother's who have lost

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darth_amanda's picture
Joined: 10/08/09
Posts: 2
Letter to my friend & all mother's who have lost

My friend lost her son, full-term, due to her doctor's negligence to act quickly when her son began to show signs of fetal distress. The doctor did not perform an emergency c-section in time, and as a result, her son was born dead. My friend should have her son in her arms, but instead, she has a hole in her heart. For all mother's who have lost, at any stage of the game, here is a letter I wrote to my friend after attending her son's funeral. May this letter also comfort you during your time of loss.

[friend's name],

In one day, you went through two of the most life-altering experiences a woman will ever endure; the joy of bringing a child into the world, and the tragedy of losing him. Although [baby's name] can not be with us in the flesh, the spirit of his being will eternally be present in all our hearts. It’s important to convey to you that you were, are, and always will be a mother. The loss of [baby's name] does not eliminate or discount your worth to this world as a wonderful mother and parent.

From the moment his life was created in you, you bonded with him and became his mother. I am so incredibly proud of your endless strength, abundant love and unwavering devotion to protecting [baby's name] as he grew and developed in your womb. The sacrifices you made with your body in order to protect him and bring him into this world, as healthy as possible, were very obvious to me. The picture of [baby's name] speaks volumes to the fact that he would have been an incredibly healthy baby had given the chance to live.

My biggest hope for you through all of your grieving is that you realize you did everything right to ensure his safety and well-being on this Earth. You protected and loved him more than anyone else could have imagined. You allowed him to live within in you and share your body for the nine months he was alive. You were his savior. Place no fault or blame on yourself for his loss.

You and [father's name] made a beautiful baby boy. I’m so glad that you had a funeral to allow the people that care about you to share in your grief and see his beautiful face. That picture will be a treasured keepsake for you and [father's name] as you move forward with your lives. Thank you for sharing such a personal image with all of us.

“Oh heart, if one should say to you that the soul perishes like the body, answer that the flower withers, but the seed remains.” ~Kahlil Gibran

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die. [baby's name] will always be with you. I love you, [friend's name].


Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

How beautiful. You have a gift for words, thank you for sharing. I think you friend is lucky to have you in her life. Please tell her she will be in my prayers and that I am sorry for her loss.

MissyJ's picture
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3254


I had tried to email you but it bounced. I'd love to have permission to share that with a personal friend IRL that went through a similar experience (with the exception that I do not know if there was any sign of negligence.)

I want to share here that I echo Missy's post above. I was deeply touched that you were able to reach out to your friend with a gift of recognition and acknowledgment of her parenting and nurturing her child within the womb. That is truly a treasure to find a friend that grasps that concept.

Thank you again for sharing,

~Missy (missyj@pregnancy.org)

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

That is so beautiful. You really do have a way with words, thank you for sharing!

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

That is a beautiful letter. I hope she reads it over and over, because the words you wrote are soothing.
I am so sorry that this happened to her.