I am a happy, out-going person. I have a lot of friends. I am very close with my family. But i just feel like people presume i am ok now. Life does go on for others, i know that. I have a daughter who needs me, so i have had to get on with life too. I don't want people worrying about me all the time. But on the other hand, i don't want people to forget about my baby and my loss. I don't share my emotions with many people.
I feel that laughing and having some normality people see me and think i am ok. When i am not. Then i feel guilty that people are judging me that "i have gotten over it all well". Which is not the case. But it is just the way i am. I try and laugh and smile alot and i don't want to stop that as it is me. People have stopped mentioning my baby so much now. I know a lot of the time, people don't like to mention things in times like this, incase of causing upset. I know 100% life goes on, but it is hard.
I know so many people who are pregnant, and some of the things they say in front of me is heartbreaking to me. They won't realise, but things like "i wish i could get rid of this baby for a night so i could have lots of beer". But i feel like i have caused it by putting on a brave face and doing my crying behind closed doors that they don't realise.
I don't know really what the point of this post is. I just wanted to share as i know you will understand.
Plus it does not help that we have to wait until June 15th until we get all the test results, so will know more from there - i am in a limbo. I go back to work in a weeks time. I think it may actually help.
I know it will get better.