I am a happy, out-going person. I have a lot of friends. I am very close with my family. But i just feel like people presume i am ok now. Life does go on for others, i know that. I have a daughter who needs me, so i have had to get on with life too. I don't want people worrying about me all the time. But on the other hand, i don't want people to forget about my baby and my loss. I don't share my emotions with many people.
I feel that laughing and having some normality people see me and think i am ok. When i am not. Then i feel guilty that people are judging me that "i have gotten over it all well". Which is not the case. But it is just the way i am. I try and laugh and smile alot and i don't want to stop that as it is me. People have stopped mentioning my baby so much now. I know a lot of the time, people don't like to mention things in times like this, incase of causing upset. I know 100% life goes on, but it is hard.
I know so many people who are pregnant, and some of the things they say in front of me is heartbreaking to me. They won't realise, but things like "i wish i could get rid of this baby for a night so i could have lots of beer". But i feel like i have caused it by putting on a brave face and doing my crying behind closed doors that they don't realise.
I don't know really what the point of this post is. I just wanted to share as i know you will understand.
Plus it does not help that we have to wait until June 15th until we get all the test results, so will know more from there - i am in a limbo. I go back to work in a weeks time. I think it may actually help.
I know it will get better.
Last edited by sunnycrest; 05-03-2009 at 06:36 PM.
I'm sorry that you are having to wait so long for your results. It's got to be difficult to really begin the healing process until you know what happened to your LO. If it were me, I would let my friends and family know I'm still hurting but that at the same time I'm trying to be strong for my husband and children. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss...I hope these next few weeks go quickly and that you'll soon know what happened to your LO.
Hugs. I am so sorry. Seriously, who wouldn't be upset about comments like that, wow! My losses were earlier, but I felt the same way... no one remembered it after about a month or so, just me (or it is how I felt). But it has made me start talking about loss more openly, even though most ppl just skip right over it, I'm putting it out there.
I so know what you mean!! I just had this thought tonight with my DH's family when they were talking about their niece that is expecting (due the day before I was) and another woman that is having a baby now. It HURT so bad. I wanted to burst into tears, but I also do my mourning and grieving behind closed doors.... not even infront of my husband. I feel as though everyone has forgotten that I should be HUGE right now, and expecting a beautiful little baby.
Sending hugs to all you ladies. Please talk about your feelings to someone, even here.
My 4 y/o is in therapy to help him cope with me leaving my abusive husband. They have a couple of activities that they do. One being a small garbage can in which they "stuff" their feelings. They talk about what happens if we bottle things up. The therapist brought a cup and mixed baking soda and vinegar to show the "explosion" if we do not talk about our feelings.
There is no “time frame” on grief. Remember, years ago people would be in “mourning” for a year. This board is great place to vent and share as we have all been each other’s shoes. I have had 6 losses and though I will always miss my babies and wonder what they would be like, the pain does get easier. Hang in there and allow yourself to feel. There are no right or wrong feelings, so do not be ashamed of anything.
I know just how you feel. I feel like people don't think about it, or are uncomfortable talking about it. For a long time I didn't bring it up and let many comments hurt my feelings. Now I'm finding ways to let people know that I am still hurting so they will be a little more considerate. I can't imagine how I would feel if anyone made a comment like that beer comment though. My goodness, what an awful thing to say to someone who just lost a baby.
I think it just takes time to be comfortable sharing the grief with others. Hugs.