Losing my friends (Pg ment,child ment)

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Last seen: 1 year 6 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Losing my friends (Pg ment,child ment)

My best friend had her baby. I am thrillled for her. She had some tough times too.

My dh and I and her dh and her would always go out. Now that will be over. (I am being selfish I know)

Well, now I don't have any friends left that don't have kids or are not pg. I am happy for them but sad for us.

I have trouble relating to those with kids, and I think they have trouble relating to me.

Anyway, to those that have kids, do you have any advice on how to keep my friends with babies? Our lives are in different places now.


Last seen: 7 years 1 week ago
Joined: 05/18/06
Posts: 10

I find the easiest way to get together is to have friends over to my place. That way every thing is already baby proofed, and my son can go to sleep at his usual time in his own bed. After he's asleep we can watch a movie or play games or whatever. We're sort of in the opposite situation in that we are the only one of our friends with a kiddo.

Don't worry, you aren't going to "lose" your friends...at least not permanently. Those first few weeks/months are a little harder to schedule around, but believe me, your friends will be wanting to socialize/do non-baby things after awhile.

HopefullySoon's picture
Last seen: 4 years 7 months ago
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

I don't have many friends without kids either. I find myself not wanting to hang out with the ones that do have kids (for many reasons). I have a few couples that we hang out with and I do find that we have more fun with them. Once I have little ones running around like crazy I'm sure it will be different. When we hang out and the kids are around it's always hectic. I do have a few friends with kids and whenever they need to get away I am the first one they call to go out. Everyone says my house is so nice because it's quiet and they can relax.

Last seen: 1 year 6 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm really sorry you're in the position you're in. I feel for you. Even though I have a child, I'm having a very hard time being around my pregnant friends. (you can read my earlier post) I am distancing myself from some of them right now because my grief is too raw and I need to focus on my emotional healing. I truly believe that those women who are genuinely my friend will "wait" for me and when I'm ready to join the group, they'll welcome me with open arms. I'm pretty confident that some of those women will take issue with me not hanging around and will choose to judge me in a negative way. I have to remind myself that those women are not my good friends. True friendship can endure BOTH the good times and the bad. I also remind myself that friends come and go. I have found that certain friends are sources of support for me during specific times in my life. When those times are gone, our friendships tend to fizzle out because they no longer have the same purpose. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. As you experience more things and hit more milestones, new people come into your life and the process repeats itself. Sometimes you're lucky enought to meet someone who rides the waves with you regardless of what point in your life they occur. For me, those are my true friends. I hope that makes sense.
Struggling to conceive and dealing with pregnancy/infant loss is something no one ever believes they'll have to deal with. So when it happens, we're not prepared. I would venture to guess that your BF knows how much you care about her and knowing that she's had some tough times herself, I bet she knows how hard it is for you to see her with her new baby. Give yourself some time. You have every right to feel sad for your own situation.
Your life is in a different place right now, but hopefully it won't always be that way. You may have to keep in contact with them in way that doesn't bring up all of your grief (phone calls, cards, email). True friends won't need long explanations on why you're not up for hanging out. LIke I wrote before, I'm feeling similar feelings and I try (I have to constantly remind myself of this) to see it not as losing my friends, but learning who are my genuine friends.
Wow, I didn't mean to write so much, but it is just so comforting to get my thoughts out. Thanks for asking this question and allowing me to write this. I'll be thinking of you! :bigarmhug: Kendall

shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 5 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I don't know if this will help, but here is how I handled things. I was what our family calls "genltly blunt". I told my friends that I am not ignoring them out of spite. I am truly happy for them (five coworkers have children within two weeks on either side of the age my son would have been) but I cannot be around them right now because it just hurts too much. I said that I welcome emails but do not be offended if I do not answer. I said that I would let them know when I was ready to move forward and how much forward that would be. It worked for me and my friends. I am able to be around the friends that have girls a lot easier than I am boys still as we lost a boy. I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. I hope that you find something that works for you.


Last seen: 5 years 2 months ago
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

You go through many different stages in your life and some friends change. The friends that you used to do couple things with may now have a different set of priorities but they still value your friendship. Your friendship may change because they now need notice to go out. Just give it time and see what happens. You haven't lost your friends your relationship with them has just evolved. We had a couple friend that we tried to keep in touch with after our son was born but they just kept putting us off and now we don't keep in touch. I really miss that friendship but if they choose not to be friends with us anymore (whether or not it was because of us having a child) there is not much I can do. I have many groups of friends. Some with and some without children.

I don't know if anything I am saying makes sense I just wanted you to know that you don't have to lose your friends because they have had a life altering event happen. You too have had a life altering event happen and you need to decide how you want to handle your new reality (as much as it sucks and I wish more than anything that we could have our children back). If you can handle a relationship with your friends with kids then enjoy! If not then with time you too will find new friends whose interests more closely match yours.


Lily Maria Kathleen :angel1: August 10, 2007