I lost my pregnancy this past Monday at 10w6days. I don't really know why I'm posting other than to seek comfort. I feel very alone - it was a cold, awful experience (spent in the ER - which also coincided with my DD's 2nd birthday). Had not ever picked up the HB throughout the pregnancy via doppler and I was finally one day before my ultrasound - woke up bleeding and it happened naturally that evening. I hate HATE that I lost the baby on the same day I was supposed to be celebrated my sweet girl's birthday. I'll always associate it with that. I am heartbroken beyond belief, and yet, I feel like I'm not entitled to be this sad. I keep wondering what I did wrong this time. Why it happened. They told me the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. Seriously? And I carried it around, thinking I was pregnant, for 5 more? I was gaining weight and in maternity clothes and we had names picked out. I'm just beside myself. I have no history of miscarriage and two healthy kids - I just don't know where else to turn and am hoping for some words from those who have been through this.
Last edited by girlisrad; 04-28-2012 at 10:13 AM.
Reason: remove siggy for loss
Hugs! I have been where you are. It is awful and sad. I had 3 birth children and then 3 early m/c. My experiences were very similar to what you describe. I made it to around 11 weeks only to find that the baby stopped developing around 5-6 weeks. It is an experience that will change your life. And you are very much entitled to be this sad. No matter whether your baby was with you for 2 weeks or 2 months, it is still your baby, and there will always be a hole in your life where that baby should have been. Take the time to grieve. Let yourself be sad. I found it helpful to give my baby a name. We had a memorial service with a few close friends. I talked to a lot of people who had been through losses, both on line and in real life. It made me realize that I was not alone. And you are not alone. So many of your friends and relatives have been there, and you never knew. If you feel comfortable opening up and letting people know, you will be surprised about who comes back and tells you stories of their losses.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I also miscarried my third pregnancy. 2 perfect pregnancies and babies, then m/c'd my 3rd at 7 weeks. The baby was measuring only 4, so I carried it around for 3 weeks. Also, I started miscarrying the day before my DS's third birthday. We were leaving town that day and I had to drive out of state and stayed at my MIL's house the whole time I was going through this, having a birthday party with lots of family and everything. It was heartbreaking because I just wanted to be alone. I so know how that part feels. But let me say that you will not always associate it with your DD's birthday. At least that has been the case with me. I think about the loss on the day, but my son's birthday is always a fun, full of joy, an all about him day. You may feel a little sadness that day and will always remember it, but the sadness will fade gradually and your DD's birthday will become a happy, special time again. It takes time, so grieve and know that you didn't do anything wrong. This type of thing happens to the healthiest and best mothers. You are certainly entitled to be sad and feel whatever you are feeling. Again, I am so, so, sorry.
I wish I had words to comfort you but as we all know here there really are no words. I am very sorry you had to go through that, m/c is horrifying to go through and then to be on a special day makes it even more tough. You are definitely not alone in this it happens to more people than we will ever know as its tough to talk about. I agree with the others as well you lost a loved one and you deserve to grieve. I m/c my first pg when I was 19 ( it was an oops dh and I weren't married yet) and I felt like I didnt deserve to grieve that loss I just tried to push the sadness down. After that I had 3 healthy full term pgs and was feeling almost "safe" again when I had another m/c, it shook me to my core. I grieved a lot for both the lost babies since I hadn't grieved my first. Eventually it started to hurt less but it took me giving birth to my fourth child to really be okay again and that's fine, everyone heals differently. Those losses were early as well with the baby not making it past 6 wks but I didn't m/c until 9 or so weeks. This loss was later and we will name our baby and have done sort of memorial created for him or her. Just take things one day at a time right now.
I found out we lost our second pregnancy (at 9 weeks) on DS1's first birthday. I understand how that feels. I was also afraid I would associate DS's birthday with the feelings of loss and devastation, but I don't. I still remember my angel on that day, but it is still a happy day that is focused on DS1. Please give yourself time to grieve and eventually, it won't hurt as bad. It helped me to do something special for my angels. I bought a necklace that has the birthstones of all my angels on it. I wear it when I start to feel sad and it makes me feel better knowing I did something special just for them.
I'm so sorry. I also had a loss recently. It feels so unfair. The baby had a hb at 6weeks (and I even got to hear it) I went for a 2nd scan and the baby measured 8w5d (perfect!) but no longer had a hb. Praying for you all. This baby was gonna be born right around Thanksgiving so that will be a little sad for me to go see family and know that I would have had a newborn.