Loss of my son @ 22 weeks
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Thread: Loss of my son @ 22 weeks

  1. #1
    Prolific Poster ttcnumber1's Avatar
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    Default Loss of my son @ 22 weeks

    Hey everyone,
    My name is Vanessa and my DH is James and we have been married for 8 yrs this July.

    I lost my son Sean Thomas on June 12, 2010 at 5:03 am @ 22 weeks. He was due October 14.

    I apparently have a incompentant cervix and when Sean started to weigh more then my cervix could hold it dialated. I had no symptoms of this condition and the doctor checked my cervix quite a few times and it was completely closed.

    I went to the dr on Friday because I kept having alot of wetness and a nurse told me I probably was just leaking urine but I just had a bad feeling and wanted to be checked just in case.

    My dr checked me and the sac started to protrude from my cervix so he sent me to the hospital. He took me to surgery and tried to push the sac back into my cervix so he could put a stitch in to keep it closed but it did not work so he put me flat on my back in the hospital bed and gave me medicine to slow down Sean's urine production so my sac would shrink enough to hopefully try to re do the procedure Monday ( today).

    My water broke Saturday at 10 pm and there was nothing they could do to stop it.
    I was in labor with Sean for 7 hours with no pain medicine (besides Demoral but it did not help). He was delivered alive and lived for 1 hour or so. He was only 23 weeks and not developed enough with his lungs and eyes, etc.. so they could not save him. We were able to hold him and he responded to our voice by moving the little he could and they took pictures for us when he was alive. James even said he heard Sean make 3 little cries.

    He is the most beautiful baby and we are going to try again once I heal enough. The dr said he will stitch my cervix up at 15 weeks next time I am pregnant so this will not happen again. My dr was so devestated. He held Sean as well and we saw tears in his eyes, he is such a caring man.

    We are completely at a loss but seeing him and how perfect and beautiful he is we have to try again.. there is no question in our minds.

    ~ We had Sean's funeral today and it was so beautiful. I feel some closure but I am still so sad that he is gone and would do anything to have him back. I saw him in his casket wrapped up in the blanket my mother made for him and his little outfit and I had a very hard time leaving. I know he is in heaven with my little sister who died from cancer 2 years ago this November and our first baby that we lost at 8 weeks.
    Last edited by missy8632; 06-17-2010 at 09:33 PM. Reason: Edit siggy

  2. #2
    ttc2005
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    Oh, Vanessa.
    I am so truly sorry that you've had to go through this. I am just heartbroken reading your story.

    I can't imagine the pain and difficulty in losing your son. I know it is never enough, but I am glad that you got to spend some time with him and take pictures with him as well.

    You sound so stable in your post and that will help with your healing process. I know there will be a lot to process and we are here to hear you.

  3. #3
    Prolific Poster ttcnumber1's Avatar
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    Honestly I do not feel that stable but thank you. Everyone says I am being strong, but the strength comes from our friends and family that have come to stand by our side and help us.

    And I would not make it without my sweet DH. He is my rock and he has held me up the past few days more then I could imagine. We always have been close and have a wonderful open relationship and losing our son has just made that bond unbreakable by anyone or anything.
    Last edited by missy8632; 06-17-2010 at 09:34 PM. Reason: Edit siggy

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    Posting Addict marymoonu's Avatar
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    I posted on the TTCAL board, but just wanted to send my condolences here as well. It is wonderful to hear that you and your DH are a strong support system for each other.

  5. #5
    kona367
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    I'm so sorry. I also have an incompetent cervix, and so I know what a surprise it is. I'm so truly sorry for the loss of your baby. It sounds like a really rough few years for your family, I only hope that you can find some peace. Your DH sounds like a terrific guy, I know how scary and emotional draining it can be on both of you.

    Sean Thomas is a beautiful name.
    Last edited by kona367; 06-18-2010 at 04:46 PM.

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    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    I'm SO sorry for the loss of Sean.

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    I am so very sorry that you lost your sweet Sean. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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    Mega Poster youbeme's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby Sean.

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    Posting Addict ashamom27's Avatar
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    Oh honey, I am so sorry! I can't imagine the pain you are feeling from losing your beautiful Sean. Your family will be in my thoughts.

  10. #10
    Prolific Poster ttcnumber1's Avatar
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    Thank you everyone for your kind words. It will be 7 weeks on Saturday that Sean was born and it is not getting any easier.

    The nightmares are still here and they are completely awful. I stay awake as long as I can when I go to bed with my hubby so they won't come.

    I quit my job last week because I didn't think I could handle going back to work full time (I hated my job and hated my boss)..I didn't think about the financial side of it and I think I made a bad decision. My DH's dad got so mad at me about it he was telling DH he should divorce me because I am not even trying...DH totally disagrees with him and he loves me and would never leave me, now he is mad at his parents...

    Life is a total mess right now (besides having a WONDERFUL husband, puppy dog, and parents who stand 100% by my decisions).. I hope it gets better soon. I try so hard to put a smile on my face when my heart is just broken into pieces inside and my soul feels like it has been ripped from my body.

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