Lurker with a question

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Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Lurker with a question

Hi ladies,

I just found out my good friends 8 day old baby passed away this afternoon from a heart condition. He's been on machines, but didn't make it.

Wanted your opinion if you don't mind. Should I do:

Flowers, now or wait a few days or, maybe have dinner delivered to them in a few days, or anything else you can suggest. I don't want to bombard them, but want them to know we are thinking of them.

Thank you so much!

I have so much respect for all of you, the grief I feel for them can't even compare to the grief each of you feel. You are truely wonderful women!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I did not want flowers or anything at first. I would just let them know that you are there. Maybe leave a message and then by the weekend send of some food. Your friend is going to need you more than things. Just be there, you don't even need to say anything. Just a shoulder to cry on.

Robin

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for her loss.
I would do dinner. Flowers only die and she will be to upset to enjoy them. YOu can also donate in his memory to American Heart Association.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Great ideas, Thank you!
What about getting them a gift certificate for a weekend away. There are some nice cabins up North that are beautiful. Forest area, with walking trails etc. They would just kinda get away with their daughter.

Would you like that?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I agree with the dinner idea. I had no energy to cook or clean or do anything after Brennan was gone.

I would hold off on the weekend away (just my opinion). I know I didnt even want to get out of bed. The idea of getting away would sound appealing, but I dont think I would have enough energy to do that.

I agree....just call her too. Tell her you are thinking about her and her baby. KNowing someone cares goes a long way!

woooaaahhhh's picture
Joined: 04/18/07
Posts: 61

I am so sorry to hear this. It must be hard to be in your situation, not knowing what to do.

"Things" didnt make anything better or easier. I didnt want flowers, cards, or people telling me how sorry they were. I got a card from my aunt and it set me off, just because the only think i asked of everyone was to leave me alone.

My job also sent flowers. Like the PP said, flowers die...which also was hard to deal with, as silly as it sounds. They sent a beautiful boquet of baby roses...and the day they died I was so upset I couldnt go to work.

The best thing you can do is make yourself available to her when she is ready. Don't push her to talk about it. It will come out when she is ready.

Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 250

I think a dinner or something would be great and being there for them when they are ready to talk.

The weekend away sounds nice for the future but I doubt they are ready to think about something like that at this point.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Thank you so much for your advice! I think i'll just let her know i'm here for her when she needs me. We were gonna do dinners, but the daddy works with my husband on the fire department and the department is covering their meals for a month, so that's already taken care of.

I really appreciate it!! I just wasn't sure what the best thing to do was. You guys are the best.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

"Jamie92" wrote:

Thank you so much for your advice! I think i'll just let her know i'm here for her when she needs me. We were gonna do dinners, but the daddy works with my husband on the fire department and the department is covering their meals for a month, so that's already taken care of.

I really appreciate it!! I just wasn't sure what the best thing to do was. You guys are the best.

I just want to applaud you in coming here and asking. It shows what a great friend you are....and although I dont know you I want to thank you for your kindness to your friend.

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so very sorry for your friend's loss. I agree with the pp's. I would call and just let her know that you are there when she needs you. Even though they are meant in the most heartfelt ways, words seem like mere platitudes and a waste of breath for a while. I would suggest making some meals that can be frozen. When she is ready to begin connecting with people again, having some dinners that only need to be defrosted and warmed up/cooked will be a great help. Thank you for taking the time to ask. It shows the depth of your caring and friendship.

Shelly