m/c mentioned (long), p/g ment (not now) traumatic D+C experience
I went for my 12 week 4 day ultrasound and found my baby had no heartbeat. I went for a second ultrasound to confirm, before taking any more measures.
I took the misoprospol (that was prescribed to start the m/c process) last night and started bleeding profusely. I went to the hospital in an ambulance. I was wheeled into the OR just an hour and a half after arriving. The surgeons were looking up at me one minute, and the next I could hear myself saying "I can hear you." I didn't like what they were saying, but I don't know what it was. Then I imagined these surgeons in yellow coats (they weren't wearing yellow coats in real life) wheeling me down a hall. I thought I was dead or dying. "Am I alive?" "Yes" "Am I going to live?" "Yes."
I half way woke up in the recovery room, where I felt like I was suffocating. I kept coughing and trying to shout out "I can't breathe," but I could hardly get anything out. My voice was weak. I learned they had intubated me down the throat. "You'll be fine. Just take deep breaths." I wasn't entirely convinced that I wasn't going to suffocate. I felt slightly relieved when someone checked my levels and I overheard them say "Looks good."
I was seeing double.
"If her hemoglobin is under 90 we may need to do a transfusion." Pause.
"It's 93. She's young. She'll be ok."
Hubby came to give me a kiss goodbye, since he was going home to sleep.
I was wheeled into my own room (well, a semi-private but there was nobody else in there).
The night nurses didn't seem as nice or competent as the ER nurse, who had suffered two miscarriages and DCs.
They asked me if I wanted to eat. "I ate dinner at 7" I said, not thinking maybe I NEEDED something to eat because of all the blood loss.
A few hours later, I woke up and paged the nurses.
"I need to pee." They helped me out of bed and wheeled my IV into the bathroom.
"I feel faint."
"Keep breathing, you'll be fine."
Then everything went black, and I thought I was going to die again.
"Am I dying?"
"But I can't see you."
"Keep your EYES OPEN!"
"I can't tell if they're open because I can't see."
"Drink, drink, drink lots of juice."
I wondered how I was swallowing as one of the nurses held the juice cup to my mouth in my half-dead state.
They made me get off the toilet and onto a chair, of which I could only see the black outline.
I got into the bed. Then my vision came back.
"I don't want to ever experience that again."
"Me neither," replied one of the nurses. "You're heavy. I threw my back out catching you because you were going to hit your head." Nice (I'm 5'10 and only 130 pounds, so I didn't take it personally).
I went to sleep.
I was crying when the morning nurse came. It's hard enough losing a baby, but even harder going through that amount of physical pain. It was worse than labour. I told them that and they said, "A lot of women make that comment." She was very empathetic, since she had 3 children and 10 pregnancies (yep, 7 miscarriages).
I think this is going to make me ultra paranoid about the first trimester the next time around. They did tell me to wait about 6 months though, since I experienced so much blood loss.
I called my midwife and she was extremely supportive. She said I can call her anytime (even at home) if I need emotional support. She also said that I may be able to try sooner than 6 months from now if my bloodwork comes back ok sooner (though ideally I don't want to deliver between May-August, because I photograph weddings for a living). I can't believe I'm even thinking about getting pregnant again, since when I was going through that experience all I could think was "I'm adopting the next one," or getting a surrogate.
Last edited by photogalv; 08-26-2009 at 06:17 PM.
Reason: remove siggy
I'm sorry you had such a traumatic experience. That would've been very scary. It's always scary when you feel like you are going to pass out. Hope you physically and emotionally start to feel better soon. I know you will feel better physically before emotionally. Take some time to grieve and find peace.
I am so very sorry honey. My first m/c was like that too. It isnot bad enough we have to suffer a loss but all the tragic things that happened too. I hope you feel better soon. Please keep us posted and let me know if I can do anything for you. Besides a hug
Thanks for the good advice, Meg. I just spoke with a nurse who lost her first at 12 weeks 31 years ago and she thinks about it every year on the due date and the day she miscarried. So, I think you're right that it could take awhile to heal emotionally and that I should take time to do it. I hope I feel physically better soon.
Missy, I so agree with you that it's bad enough to suffer a loss let alone all the tragedy and physical agony that comes with it. Thanks for the hug. It actually felt like somebody reached out from the TV screen and gave it to me.
It is nice to hear someone speak frankly about the m/c experience. So many people seem to not want to talk about how painful it is. It helps, though, to know I am not alone. When I started to m/c, I thought, oh my God, this is what labor must feel like (I don't have any kids). Anyway, not to continue to bring up bad things but just wanted to say thank you for sharing.
Hope you are feeling better and healing, inside and out.
Thank you, for sharing as well, LG. I felt pretty alone in experiencing such great pain during the D+C until I spoke to my mom's friend who is a nurse and had almost the exact same experience as me 31 years ago.
Don't worry, when you DO go through labour, it will be easy compared to what you went through with the miscarriage. At least, my nurse said a lot of women comment that the D+C is more painful than labour was.
I'm so sorry you had to go through it too. Hugs to you as well (and everyone else who has experience this hell).
I'm so sorry for what you went through. I have suffered a lot of pain with my mc, too, and you're right - it feels like labor. Huge hugs to you. I hope and pray you will have a quick recovery and feel like yourself again soon.