m/c, what to do now

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mommys's picture
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m/c, what to do now

I'm wondering if anyone has done something simple to memorialize a loss. After several days of waiting, I finally miscarried this morning. DH was wonderful and saved everything in a jar. He thought it needed to be taken to the lab, but I decided not to have it analyzed. I'd really like to bury it and maybe plant over it. Has anyone ever done this? Any suggestions? Everything is still so painful and fresh, it is hard to make decisions.

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I'm so sorry about your loss. With my loss I had a D&C and sent it to pathology so I have no experience in doing a memorial. I think what you are thinking is a good idea. You will always have that special place to remember your little one. May you and your family find peace. :bighug:

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Just wanted to send some hugs your way... :bighug:

When I m/c'ed, I didn't want to see anything. I didn't want to look at anything for fear that it would look just like a little baby (or worse, something scary)... So when I had my m/c, I did it in the dark and made my DH dispose of everything so I didn't have to look at it. Sad

I think it's a wonderful idea to keep everything and do something to memorialize the baby. I love the idea of planting over it... A tree or something else beautiful and hardy and strong that will keep growing year to year.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss Stephanie. I wish no one ever had to experience this feeling. :bigarmhug:

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My brother and SIL lost twins and planted trees in their front yard. I dare not plant things as I do not have a green thumb. I have found some really cool things to go in the garden on e-bay. One being a baby sleeping in angel's wings, they are usually pretty cheap and I have them all over my yard.

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A friend went with me to the nursery today. It was really hard to pick. At first I had 2 blueberry plants, but in the end I went with a small rose tree - it just felt more appropriate. I bought all of them though, they will all have meaning in some way.

Anyway, I burried my bean in a cute little angel box and put the rose tree over it. My friend prayed while I cried. I'm glad I did this though. I think it was a good choice.

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I'm glad you found a good way to memorialize your bean. Such a difficult thing to have to do.... :bighug:

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Oh, Steph. I am so so so sorry to hear of your loss. I will be thinking of and praying for you guys. I sincerely hope that you find peace and healing with your husband and daughter. I like the idea of a memorial and I like what you chose.

I know how difficult it can be. I was only 10 weeks along when we lost baby #3 earlier this year, but I also got to see the baby and that gave me closure.
I don't know if you are interested, but when we had our loss, my MIL gave us a book to share with the girls to explain what had happened...I can get you the name of it if it might be something you'd like to read with Andrea?

T&Ps...

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Thank you.

Andrea doesn't seem affected by it. I told her I "lost" the baby (was afraid that wording might come back to haunt me) but she hasn't said a word since then (a week ago). I keep waiting for her to remember, but maybe it was never really "real" for her to begin with.

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It sounds like maybe she got her answer and it sunk in? That might be a nicer way.

We had a lot of moments where Eliot would still try to talk to the baby, or tell ppl on the phone or in person that there was a baby in my tummy. When we told her that we weren't going to have a baby after all (would you believe I can't remember how we told her/what we said? I remember at the time feeling scared to say the wrong thing, but now I can't even remember what I said at all), she kept asking us where the baby went...it was tough.

(((hugs))) I hope you are having a good day today.

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"ttc2005" wrote:

It sounds like maybe she got her answer and it sunk in? That might be a nicer way.

We had a lot of moments where Eliot would still try to talk to the baby, or tell ppl on the phone or in person that there was a baby in my tummy. When we told her that we weren't going to have a baby after all (would you believe I can't remember how we told her/what we said? I remember at the time feeling scared to say the wrong thing, but now I can't even remember what I said at all), she kept asking us where the baby went...it was tough.

(((hugs))) I hope you are having a good day today.

My 4-yr old keeps asking me where our baby went too. He keeps asking if I still have a baby in my tummy. I don't think he gets that the baby has gone. But we did tell him that maybe someday God would give us another baby, but God decided that he needed our baby right now. I think that helped him a little bit, but every once in a while he still asks about it. I'm sure over time he'll forget, or at least stop thinking about it. It still hurts though every time he asks.

As far memorializing your baby Steph, I think you did a wonderful thing. It will help give you closure. Since I had a d&c I didn't get to do that, but I think for you it was a good choice. I'm so sorry we have to go through this. I hope you find healing as time goes on, and I hope I do too.