I am very nervous/apprehensive about tomorrow. The hospital where we had Rebecca is having a dedication/memorial service for all babies that were lost this year. They have a wall placed in which the babies names will be on them. Well today while thinking about tomorrow I became anxious. I thought this memorial was what I needed to move forward but I am scared about how I might feel tomorrow. What if it brings back all the painful memories of her birth and loss. I am come so far and I don't want this to negatively effect me. Since I am so worried about it, should I not go? If I don't go will a be even more depressed that I let myself down once again? I am torn as to what to do?
For those of you who know me my anxiety and depression were horrible, it has been better but only for about 1 week now. I don't want to do anything that will trigger it again, but I need to remember my daughter in someway.
If i can be completely honest honey i think you will do more damage in the long run by not going. The reason i think that is because you wont have this chance again and by being prone to anxiety etc. you might regret not going and have guilt feelings and anxiety because of that.
You will probably feel sad at the memorial service and it will likely make you remember your loss more vividly, as did our funeral for Ada. But afterwards you will hopefully feel a little better. We felt a little more closure once we had the funeral and it was one more step on the way back to feeling good again iykwim?
I hope that it goes smoothly for you. Please come back and update us wont you?
I have to agree. I'm sure it will be hard, but I think you would regret not going more. I know it's not quite the same, but there was a Walk to Remember in Denver last weekend, that I didn't feel strong enough to go to, I thought it was too soon. I really wish I had gone. Going may bring back some of your sadness, but we are here to help you as much as we can. I'll be thinking of you, and sending as much strength as I can, whatever you decide to do.
I think that you should go. You will be surrounded by other people who are grieving and that may provide you with some comfort. You may feel low the next day but then again you may not. You already know that you can get out of the low times (you have had a good week). I think you will will continue to have good days and bad days. You only just lost Rebecca. I participated in a fun run in memory of Lily and I felt good about it. It was sad but it was also peaceful. It was so nice to not be alone.
Please let me know how the day goes. I too have had moments of being anxious. It seems so silly to me as it will be over something I have done before but am suddenly afraid to do now. You are not alone.
There will be pain, and there will be sadness, but you will not be alone. I think that in itself will be a great help. I agree with the other ladies that you should do this. It is something that in the long run you would regret not attending. You are so very strong and although you may not see it, it shines through in every post that you write. I know that you will do what is best for you and I wish you peace in your decision. Shelly