Missed Miscarriage - can't sleep

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bluewonder's picture
Joined: 11/07/09
Posts: 1
Missed Miscarriage - can't sleep

Hey there.... Sad

5 days ago I started spotting brown. I got my Beta tested that day and it was about 23,000. Sounds fairly positive...lots of women spot, and 23,000 was not too shabby of a number for 9.5 weeks (although could have been higher), which is what I'm supposed to be.

I waited out the weekend and then today I went for an ultrasound. After long silence, the technician told me my baby was measuring 6 weeks with no visible heartbeat. She was asking about my dates...could they be off?... I tried for this baby so I have my dates down to a T. I know for sure I conceived April 28. I found out May 12. So there is no way I could be 6 weeks or even 7.


This was my first pregnancy, and I am 34 and a half.

Anyway, I've spent the day crying on & off. It's the first day, and it's quite a shock to stop thinking of yourself as pregnant and seeing your future differently. I know if the pregnancy has a major (chromosomal, i.e.) problem, miscarriage is the body's way of halting its continuation.

But I am learning that this is far more than an emotional issue - major decisions to make! Not-fun decisions!

What do I do? Well my doctor (GP) is on holidays for 2 weeks (figures) so the first thing I'm going to do is call my midwife, who I haven't even had my first appt with, sadly, and get her advice. Then I'm going to get a second ultrasound, just to make sure.

Then....?? I have the kind of job where if I don't work, I don't get paid. I am a (consultant...so, self-employed yet I answer to a company) music teacher and musician. This is the end of the school year so I have lots of 'final lessons' to do. I also have gigs starting July 1st that I have committed to and for which plane tickets have been bought! So the smart thing to do, financially, would probably be to get that D&C asap, so that I can do at least some of my lessons and all of the gigs.

But I don't want to do the D&C if it's too risky - I have no kids yet and would really like one or two. If there's a chance I could scar and mess up my fertility I'd rather cancel the work (work is work) and let it happen naturally.

I know I'm going to get some help to make my choices tomorrow, but I can not sleep so I thought I would ask on some boards. What did you do and what do you think makes the most sense? i am also afraid to take the pills because I hear that can make the miscarriage more painful and possibly incomplete.

Yeah....it's 4:30, the birds are starting to chirp, and I have not slept!

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

I'm so sorry for your loss. I went through a similar thing with my first loss and I carried for multiple weeks before finally going through naturally. But, had I known that I had a missed miscarriage (I didn't know there was anything wrong until I started bleeding). I bled small amounts for just under a week before the real miscarriage began. Once it did, it was about five hours and it was very painful. I needed that day and the following day off to recover. I'm only telling you this because I wish someone else had told me what to expect. My second loss was totally different. I started bleeding and did so for four days and passed my baby on the fifth. No more then bad period pain physically. I carried on with my days and needed no time off with the second. I never needed a DandC but really, I should have had one with the first as I carried, unknowingly, a dead baby for almost six weeks. When you have your ultrasound, if you can determine how long you have been carrying past development, I would take that into consideration. For me, it seemed to make a big difference. But like I said, that's just me. I know this all sounds very harsh and I'm very, very sorry. I'm just trying to be helpful and honestly, talking about it as if it was just another thing that happened makes it easier. I can talk about it without getting bogged down in the emotional side (which sucks). Again, I'm very sorry for you. Whatever you do decide, my only advice is to do what YOU want to do, not what you think it best for work, or commitments or even for health. Do what you want to do.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Living child ment.

I am so sorry for your loss. I have had a few D&Cs and was able to carry Alex to term, he was a big one too! Any surgery has "risks" but unless you have many D&Cs it does not pose any issues to other pregnancies. I actually got pregnant with the next cycle after my D&C.
But, it is what you feel comfortable doing. Get all the information on your options and then pick what your gut tells you is right for you and your family.

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

Just wanted to send lots of (((HUGS))) your way. I had my m/c at the end of May, and I know what you mean by not being able to think of yourself un-pregnant. I love coffee, and I would just be depressed whenever I realized that I could drink some because I didn't have a good reason to avoid the caffeine. Just silly things like that constantly remind you that you were pregnant, and now you're not. Sad

Like you, I was hoping to avoid a D&C because I didn't want to harm my fertility in any way. My m/c happened naturally, and to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it. It was SO traumatic and scary. After it was over and I got back to normal, I was glad I didn't need a D&C and my body did what it needed to do to rid itself of the unhealthy pregnancy. But in the moment, I was terrified and begging for a D&C so that I wouldn't have to see or feel any of it. I agree with Missy, do whatever makes you the most comfortable.

Anyway, I'm just rambling on. So sorry you're going through this. I hope you're able to get some sleep soon. :bigarmhug:

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

(**preg/child ment**)

I had the same problem, 9wks, numbers were about 29,000, and I was pretty sure on my dates. Mine was a blighted ovum, and I tried to wait and miscarry naturally, I was very scared of a d&c. I waited 2wks and still nothing was happening, so I had the d&c. I am glad I did. The next time (unfortunately there was a next time) I opted for the d&c the very next day. The torture of waiting and wondering when it was going to happen was just too much for me.

**I did go on to carry twins after, to 36wks, so I don't think it hurt my fertility.