I'm an 8 too. Since my last thread (the "cut so deeply" one) I feel SO much better. It is SO good to vent here! I actually haven't thought about the expectant couple in Boston at all, since Sunday (when I wrote in).
So today, I'm cruisin' along as an 8: I like it here. Leaves room (2 points) for improvement!
I'm a 3, which is an improvement. I went to the RE Friday expecting to get the go ahead to start injectibles for the first time since my m/c and they found cysts on my ovaries again. Also, Saturday was supposed to have been my Baby Shower.
Today I am a 3. I just found out my friend is at the hospital in labor. This is nothing new to me. I dont know why I feel this way. I talk to her several times a week.... but it hurts so badly. I feel like my heart was just ripped out of my chest and I cant breath. I just want to cry.
I remember my bff having her son in July 2004. I babysat her older son while she was in labor. I went to the hospital and help the baby, even have some pictures holding him.
I walked outside the hospital and saw a whole bunch of pregnant women across the street at the clinic smoking. So, I walked into a bar and had a few drinks (Not a good way to cope.)
I got a phone call in November of 2004 that MY son was born in Korea. My bff's son and my son are hours apart (given the time change in Korea.) I look at the picture of me holding my bff's son and think of it as me holding my son at birth.
It is ok to hurt and be angry. Someday, you will be holding on to your child. Just keep that hope alive.