This is my 2nd Mothers Day without any living children and it is breaking my heart all over again. Mothers Day has always been hard for me because I lost my Mother to cancer when I was 12 years old. Now at 34 years I have had 3 losses due to miscarriages and cervix problems. I am scared that I will never have the opportunity to hold a living child of mine. I have wanted to be a mom since I was 10 years old. I can remember vividly playing with my dolls and dropping them off with my mother for a "daycare", then picking them up after 5 minutes pretending I just got home from shopping or working. This Mothers Day is somehow harder then any previous. I have had a miscarriage every year for the past 3 years and although I try to hold onto faith that one day my turn will come, holidays bring on the sadness and fear.
I thought pregnancy will be easy for me. I can not get pregnant without IVF and now I can't seem to hold onto the pregnancy once I finally get pregnant.
I miss my mom and all my babies. I know my mother is watching them in heaven until I can see them again, but I just want to know why me? why can't I just have one living child? When will my dreams and prayers be answered?
If you read this through, thank you.
I just need to vent I guess.