This is my 2nd Mothers Day without any living children and it is breaking my heart all over again. Mothers Day has always been hard for me because I lost my Mother to cancer when I was 12 years old. Now at 34 years I have had 3 losses due to miscarriages and cervix problems. I am scared that I will never have the opportunity to hold a living child of mine. I have wanted to be a mom since I was 10 years old. I can remember vividly playing with my dolls and dropping them off with my mother for a "daycare", then picking them up after 5 minutes pretending I just got home from shopping or working. This Mothers Day is somehow harder then any previous. I have had a miscarriage every year for the past 3 years and although I try to hold onto faith that one day my turn will come, holidays bring on the sadness and fear.
I thought pregnancy will be easy for me. I can not get pregnant without IVF and now I can't seem to hold onto the pregnancy once I finally get pregnant.
I miss my mom and all my babies. I know my mother is watching them in heaven until I can see them again, but I just want to know why me? why can't I just have one living child? When will my dreams and prayers be answered?
If you read this through, thank you.
I just need to vent I guess.
My own mom passed away when I was 20, and I've had mixed feelings about Mother's Day since then--I try to use the day to remember the good times w/ my mom and be grateful that she's no longer in the pain in which she spent most of her life. However, this year, I keep thinking about my loss--I would have found out the sex of the baby this week... I feel in my heart that I was pregnant w/ a girl, but it would have been so nice to know for certain.
I hope it helps to know there are women here who understand.
I should have one child and another on the way right now. I hate Mothers Day. Especially since my Mom is across teh country. We went to the mountains to escape the whole weekend. My hubby is good like that. We didn't pay any attention to anything and camped so no stores or restaurants either. It was nice. I feel your pain though. I often wonder why me? And I"m bitter that there is no answer to that question.
Sorry, I'm late in posting. I also have a hard time with Mother's Day... I hope that day wasn't too rough for you. I hope that you have a support group of family and friends to help you through the tough times... but we're here for you too!