My 4th Angel

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Joined: 01/18/09
Posts: 1
My 4th Angel

Things were not going good: my car died and I had to help clean out my grandmother's house. I thought this surprise pregnancy would bring joy and hope back. Tonight I felt something not right. I went to the bathroom and saw the clot and embryo. This is the 4th time I've gone through this, and it is no easier. My first two were unplanned pregnancies with my now ex husband. My third, many years later, came as my husband and I began ttc. It was heart-wrenching, as we had been through IVF and all. The next month I got pregnant with my son, who was born in June of 07. Now, we were not trying, and I have an IUD. I just knew I was pregnant when AF was two weeks late. But as I entered week 3, the test was negative. I had some pregnancy signs, like tender breasts, a twingy abdomen, and overall moodiness. I came down with yet another sinus infection--had them all he time with my son. I am so depressed and I don't know where to turn. I don't want to confide in my mother, as she is still grieving the loss of her mother and dealing with the legal issues from that/cleaning out her home of 50 years. My husband is just not an emotional kind of guy. I am hoping someone reads this and knows how I feel...just empty inside.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for your loss. No matter how many losses one has it never seems to get easier. Hang in their honey.

Joined: 03/20/07
Posts: 36

I am so very sorry for your loss...

Joined: 11/14/08
Posts: 105

I am so sorry for your loss.

:bigarmhug:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

sending you many hugs.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I am so sorry that you are dealing with so much right now. Hugs hugs! Please vent here anytime.

abkinsey's picture
Joined: 07/13/06
Posts: 323

I am so sorry :bighug:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Hope and Tips

I'm sorry that this is a late entry -- I've been so busy for the last month, that I haven't had time to visit this website.

You have my heartfelt sympathy and true understanding -- I too have four angels in heaven and one here on earth. And no, it didn't get any easier for me each time. In some ways, it got worse: the sense of helplessness, hopelessness and despair deepened.

I'm so sorry that you've gone through this over and over -- I mean, I'm sorry for anyone who has lost one baby, don't get me wrong. But when it happens again and again, we really feel like we're in "the boxing ring of life."

My last angel grew wings on 11 Dec. 2005, so it's been a while for me. I'd like you to know that being active on this website helped me with the grief so much. Today, I can enjoy babies again (not look away); today I can be truly happy for people who are pregnant again (not jealous of them). It takes a while, but we do shift through the stages of grief and come out the other side (sooner or later). I mention this as a message of hope.

Here are some other things you can do to help you shift through the grief more quickly(there are LOTS of things you can do): http://www.pilari.org/articles/8/1/What-You-Can-Do----When-You-Feel-so-Powerless/Page1.html

Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm here for you.

Big hugs,
Nicole

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