My little angel, Sunshine (in-utero name), was due today. I still remember the excitement I had for this day and how I thought it would never come....but now it feels like it has come too soon. My baby grew wings on March 20th, at 13 weeks. It was my birthday and things had gone so well we thought. He/she was so perfect laying there on that u/s screen.... too perfect for this world. all week I had thoughts of what it would have been like to go into labor and deliver my baby into the world. I try to tell myself God has chosen this for some reason that I can't understand yet, but it is days like today when I look around and imagine what things should be like in my life today that it is difficult.
I went to work this morning as I work alone today and I am sick today anyway which will hide the red eyes anyway. I asked my hubby a while back on this day to remember our angel with me and to buy something pink for Sunshine as pink is the color of the October birthstone. He made me breakfast today to try to cheer me up a little and I know he won't forget. Some people said I should just get through the day trying not to think about it... but I feel opposite and today I need the time to remember. It only feels right.
Perhaps once I am through this hurdle today I will be able to accept my new ttc journey as another chance to bring an angel without wings to our lives. But for today I only wish sunshine was here with me. If you have the time, please remember with me today.