My boy (loss ment.)
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  1. #1
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    Default My boy (loss ment.)

    On 3/5 I went up to L&D cause I had not felt my baby, Tristan, move that day (he was normally way more active at night). The nurse couldn't find Tristan's heartbeat with the doppler, so she called the Dr. in (Dr. on call happened to be my Dr.'s husband) he tried to see what was happening with a ultrasound but the machine was from the 70's so he couldn't see much. Radioligy came up with a better machine and told us that our baby's heart wasn't beating. My Dr. arrived about 15 minutes later and started inducing me, that was about 11 pm that night. On 3/6 I delivered Tristan in the early afternoon he was born at 35 weeks and was 5 pds 4 oz and 17 inches long. We learned after he was born that it was a cord accident, his cord was unusually long and had become twisted and developed a kink in it.
    My Dr. and her husband were the only Dr.'s I saw while I was at the hospital, that was great cause I already knew both of them. The nurses were wonderfull and did everything they could to give us lots of stuff for a memory box. We got to keep Tristan with us in the room for a long time and got to hold him and love him. I think most of my worst days are behind me, I can at least function and I don't cry all day long. I still have bad moments throughout the day but some of the things we have done for Tristan help me with those. We brought his ashes home and set up some pictures of him and us, we were even able to get hand and foot castings done.
    I hope that all made sense I really just needed to get it all out.

  2. #2
    Posting Addict CamelNoodle's Avatar
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    I am sorry for your loss. I experienced a 29w5d stillbirth last January. I agree with you, the worst days were the first few -- actually handing him over when we left the hospital was the high point of bad. I'm glad you got to collect memories of your son Tristan. We also did that and I don't regret any of it for a second. Many moms want to push it away.

    Don't hesitate to lean on your family and friends for support. Dealing with the loss of a child has got to be one of the hardest things to do.

    Janel

  3. #3
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    Thank you. I agree the worst thing was handing him over, we had to give him to the gentleman from the funneral home before we left and that just freaked me out to no end.

  4. #4
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    I am so so sorry for you loss.

  5. #5
    Posting Addict KaellyNicole's Avatar
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    I am deeply sorry for your loss!

  6. #6
    Mega Poster HopefullySoon's Avatar
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    I am so sorry. My heart just breaks for you. I hate that I had to read this happened. I love the name Tristan.
    I lost my daughter at 40w5d. It has been a little over 14 weeks for me and I still am feeling very lost. As hard as it is everyday, nothing could ever be as bad as that moment when we found out our baby wasn't alive anymore. I think if all of us have to go through this, then we can survive anything.
    I'm glad you have pictures, etc. I go through phases where I look at pictures a few times a day and others where I go days without looking. I am glad I have those pictures.
    Be kind to yourself. Do anything that feels good right now. Take care.

  7. #7
    isabellabambina
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a boy at 30 weeks. Please take care of yourself!

  8. #8
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    Thank you ladies. The pictures I can look at, I can even look at the urn with his ashes but I havnt been able to look through the memory box since we came home. Just something about holding the outfit he wore and the blanket he was in I can't do yet.

  9. #9
    nicoleballinger
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    I am so sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you have done all that you needed to do.

    I'm also glad that you have chosen to write about it here -- we're all here for you. And we care. Please write in again anytime.

    Love,
    Nicole

  10. #10
    Posting Addict vbear's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for your loss

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