I couldn't figure out why, after so long doing well, I suddenly felt terrible again. It was like my grief started all over again. It was my DH that pointed out to me that it was probably because I got my period that day. I'm on birth control and I'm not due for my period but since I'm new on the method, I got some spotting. My DH figured out that the spotting was too much of a reminder of my loss and probably set me off again. What a guy eh. Having a reason for a new wave of grief made me feel better (like it was okay to feel that bad for a while again). He also took that time to point out that he knows that October (our EED) will be a bad month and that he understands. He is not really the type of guy to start hard discussions or share his grief. He's very quiet in his support. But he told me that he finds himself staring at babies and actually ahd the urge to ask a random stranger if he could hold her daughter. Just knowing that he gets these waves too made me feel normal again. I'm so proud of him for getting it and I'm so lucky to have him. I just wanted to share my momentary good feelings with you guys. We have so few good feelings that I kind of wanted to make a big deal out of mine. Thanks for listening.
I'm so glad that your DH is communicating with you and being so sweet and supportive. I think it's just awesome that he is so in tune with your body and your emotions and that he is willing to share some of his emotions, too. I think when our DH/SO's open up to us it's reaffirms that we aren't grieving and suffering alone. Thank you for sharing your momentary good feelings with us!
Thank you for sharing your happiness with us. You're lucky to have such a 'switched on' DH. I'm lucky that way too, and you're right -- it is nice.
By the way, when you wrote that you thought it was somehow okay to feel bad again...
In my experience, my grief came in waves. I think it's just the way the human brain is designed to deal with such horrible traumas. So WHENEVER grief comes up for you, it's 'okay' to feel bad again -- it's normal! -- even if you don't why it's come up again. They're your feelings, and that makes them valid. And they are part of the whole process. And that's why, it's actually 'more than okay' -- it's healthiest for us to acknowledge and accept our feelings, even if they don't seem to make much sense at the time!
Since your DH is such a sweetie, I'm sure you can just grieve whenever you need to and he'll be lovely about it.
That is wonderful! I have been wondering about an update from you.
I'm here, anytime you need me. Did you find a new doc yet?
Mom to 5 Angels
When I called to get my records from my old Dr. she asked why I wanted to change and I levelled with her and told her that although she seemed like a fine Dr. her staff was straight from Hell. I told her about everything I had to go through and all the information I didn't get and how they refused to book me while I was miscarrying. I asked her why she didn't tell me that the U/S tech wrote "Probably not viable" on my ultrasound and let me think that the blood tests were enough to show that I had a healthy baby. I went on and on for about a half an hour. She listened. Two days later, she called to ask if I wanted to come in to see her for a follow-up. I figured why not, I could pick up my charts while I was there. There was a whole new staff. I only recongnized one girl (the one that at least tried to be helpful). She explained that the reason she didn't tell me what the tech wrote is because the sac looked fine. At that time, there was no sign of impending m/c. She truley believed that due to my irregular cycles, we just had a wrong due date. So, I'm giving it another go with her. So far, it's been good. Thanks for asking.