my last 2 weeks (pg &m/c ment)

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Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870
my last 2 weeks (pg &m/c ment)

2 weeks ago tonight i took a pregnancy test. it was faint but pos. i was hungry, thirsty, and had to pee all the time. boobs sore, got all flushed for no reason sometimes, and a little nauseus.
hubby started calling peopel right away. it took 2 days for me to tell my parents.
we had been trying for 8 months, since we got married. i love kids and babies and all ireally want out of life is to be a mom. we were SOOOO happy about it. hubby even started helping with chores more, even treated my like glass while we were moving... it was kinda annoying b ut i knew he cared.
we got a new apartment and started moving in. tues. i took an official test and started calling and making appointments etc.
sat. we took a break from moving and went for a walk and did some shopping. when we got home i put my new pants on and found that i was spotting. i normally wouldnt panic but that was the one thing that scared me, so i called my ob... the message said to go er or call ob on call at the hospital, so i called and he said its common, but i could go to er... i didnt want to go. hubby cuddled with me in bed for like 4 hours, then we played some board games when my cramping got better, he taught me to play baseball on the PS2.
Sunday i didnt want to but we went to my parents for easter breakfast with one of my sisters. i told my sister... and talked to my mom... they were so supportive. usually i dont get along with my sister but we're there for each other when we need it.

monday i called the ob as soon as they opened and got in. it was over. i had lost it. hubby told me later that one of his bosses told him to go home, but he told the boss that i told him to go to work and i would kill him if he came home early. he was right. He made all the calls for me when he got home. my mom had checked on me durning the day and i told her, she made some calls.
after talking to 2 nurses and the OB and hubby, and my mom... i really didnt feel like rehashing it with anybody else.

its been a few days so i'm feeling better. i'm taking walks again. at first i hurt too much to try it.

having my husband, and friends and my family there for me made it all so much better for me. i never felt alone or left out.

my mom called my grand parents (my dads parents) who, just for reference, didnt come to our wedding last summer. their RSVP said that it was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and even after that i kind of flet bad that i dont stop and spent time with them more often. my mom had to relay the storey to me that when she tole my grandma about it all she said was " oh" then my mom went on to talk about our new apartment and my grandma said "well i hope this landlord doesnt mind that she cant keep a house"
i'm so glad she has time to gossip with my landlords at church but she cant stop by and see me (i lived there for 18 months and she never stopped to see the place, less than 2 miles frm their house)
i'm unofficially disowning them. i will not be going to christmas dinner at their house this year.

this experience feels like i have aged 3 yrs worth in 2 weeks, i got to experience pregnancy, even if it was breif, i experienced loss, i felt the support of my real friends and family and released myself from some guilt that had played on my mind that i was being the neglectful member of the family. i love my hubby more than ever, i value my friends, and sometimes i even feel like i'm ready to try again already.

if i have to go through the holidays 2008 withtout being pregnant it will hurt me though. i have wanted this for so long, i want to start again. nothing would erase the hurt like a new baby.

nurseapril's picture
Joined: 01/25/07
Posts: 48

Gypsy,
One of the worst things about going through this is realizing that a tragety doesn't always change people and the way they are. One of the best things is realizing the incredible people you have surrounding you. It sounds like you've got great support especially from your husband. One thing I've realized is that if your husband wants to do some extras for you, its only because he wants to help you. I've realized that the way my husband has worked and continues to work through his grief is by taking care of me.

I know its hard to deal with those people who don't seem to care at all or don't realize what you've been through. Try to surround yourself with those who help, and when you have to be around those who don't, just remind yourself that you have people to talk it over with. Please vent when you need to.

April

Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870

thanks april. just posting today has helped me, just reading and replying. i was so low earlier when i came in to work and had to tell the manager what happened... but now i'm better. after reading some posts that you can be more fertile right after a loss or a birth gives me hope that i can start over soon. i read a book called "baby catcher" by a midwife and in the book there is a story about how every woman has a circle of spirit babies dancing above their heads and its just chance that determines which one gets picked, unless yo lose one. then it goes back into the circle and all the other babies let it cut in line so that will be the next one. i dont feel like i lost that spirit baby, it will just be a little longer until i see it again. it is spring. the sun is shining. still dont know how i will celebrate my birthday now that i've disowned my grandparents and i still dont want to go drinking because I KNOW it will make it worse, I'll have to see. maybe we'll have cake and ice cream!

lanlaiely's picture
Joined: 10/03/07
Posts: 26

You are really lucky for the wonderful husband that you have. It seems to me that you are concentrating on the right things. Getting through and getting over my miscarriage was probably the hardest thing that I ever had to do.

When I had a m/c, my doctor told me that I should wait at least 1 full cycle before I tried again. He said that it was best to let myself heal to give the next pregnancy a better success rate. Well, I lost my first pregnancy in November and decided to start TTC in January.

So at the beginning of the year, I just made 1 New Year's Resolution. That was to be more positive. I really think it helped me get through my anger and bitterness.

StephanieJune's picture
Joined: 01/19/08
Posts: 103

:bighug: I am sorry for your loss. It is sad that your grandparents aren't supportive, but you can't change them. It is good that you have such a great husband, and that your mother and sister are there for you. I know that I can always call my fiance when I need him. He is the only person in real life that I can talk about our angel baby with. I hope that after you heal, physically anyway, that you get your BFP! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870

sometimes i get really down for NO REASON. mostly right now i'm mad that i cant get online at home... but i'm at work doing this. so if i need to vent its hard to find somebody i really feel understands... and if i cry at my computer its easier than if i'm trying to talk to somebody.
andsometimes i feel almost fine. i got make up sex last night (i actually had to start a fake fight just so i could call it make up sex) because the bleeding finally stopped, and knowing i'm trying again really makes it better for me. i bet at the end of this cycle i'll have another bad day when i know i'm not pregnant again... but thats weeks away.

i even watched knocked up last night and the only parts that really got to me were the ones where she is just barely showing, and they are babyshopping, and she is telling people she's pregnant. the ones that i could relate to. the rest of the ones that i didnt even get close to didnt really bother me. but i was drinking at the time, i had a friend come over and she brought booze and handed it to me... i only had 2...

right now, the sun is shining... again... and i'm thinking about planting some flowers or something...

Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870

its going to start looking like i'm talking to myself if i keep replying to my own posts before anybody else can even get there but it is cleansing to me to keep talkin (ok writing) and i keep thinking of different things.
i still feel blessed to have even gotten pregnant in the first place. after 8.... actually i think it was only 7 months trying, that bfp was like mana from heaven. i am so glad that i wont have to wonder about millions of possible symptoms anymore, because i know which ones i should keep more of a lookout. more than a whole week before my missed period i was HUNGRY ... and thirsty.... and i had to pee. that was the first and most major symptom and if it was that strong for me this time, i'm sure i should look out for it next time too.

i'm looking forward to trying again, and starting over.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm so sorry for your loss.
After 2 m/c's in the last 6 months, I too am hoping to get pregnant again this year. I'm on birth control pills right now so I won't obsess about it, but I plan stopping them at the end of the month.
I'm glad you're finding some comfort and support here.
((HUGS))

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

:bighug: I'm sorry you had this loss. I also had a loss this year and I want more than anything to be pg again. All the women on this site know just how you feel and are all very supportive

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Shelly

KaellyNicole's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 219

(((HUGS))) I am very sorry for your loss.