2 weeks ago tonight i took a pregnancy test. it was faint but pos. i was hungry, thirsty, and had to pee all the time. boobs sore, got all flushed for no reason sometimes, and a little nauseus.
hubby started calling peopel right away. it took 2 days for me to tell my parents.
we had been trying for 8 months, since we got married. i love kids and babies and all ireally want out of life is to be a mom. we were SOOOO happy about it. hubby even started helping with chores more, even treated my like glass while we were moving... it was kinda annoying b ut i knew he cared.
we got a new apartment and started moving in. tues. i took an official test and started calling and making appointments etc.
sat. we took a break from moving and went for a walk and did some shopping. when we got home i put my new pants on and found that i was spotting. i normally wouldnt panic but that was the one thing that scared me, so i called my ob... the message said to go er or call ob on call at the hospital, so i called and he said its common, but i could go to er... i didnt want to go. hubby cuddled with me in bed for like 4 hours, then we played some board games when my cramping got better, he taught me to play baseball on the PS2.
Sunday i didnt want to but we went to my parents for easter breakfast with one of my sisters. i told my sister... and talked to my mom... they were so supportive. usually i dont get along with my sister but we're there for each other when we need it.
monday i called the ob as soon as they opened and got in. it was over. i had lost it. hubby told me later that one of his bosses told him to go home, but he told the boss that i told him to go to work and i would kill him if he came home early. he was right. He made all the calls for me when he got home. my mom had checked on me durning the day and i told her, she made some calls.
after talking to 2 nurses and the OB and hubby, and my mom... i really didnt feel like rehashing it with anybody else.
its been a few days so i'm feeling better. i'm taking walks again. at first i hurt too much to try it.
having my husband, and friends and my family there for me made it all so much better for me. i never felt alone or left out.
my mom called my grand parents (my dads parents) who, just for reference, didnt come to our wedding last summer. their RSVP said that it was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and even after that i kind of flet bad that i dont stop and spent time with them more often. my mom had to relay the storey to me that when she tole my grandma about it all she said was " oh" then my mom went on to talk about our new apartment and my grandma said "well i hope this landlord doesnt mind that she cant keep a house"
i'm so glad she has time to gossip with my landlords at church but she cant stop by and see me (i lived there for 18 months and she never stopped to see the place, less than 2 miles frm their house)
i'm unofficially disowning them. i will not be going to christmas dinner at their house this year.
this experience feels like i have aged 3 yrs worth in 2 weeks, i got to experience pregnancy, even if it was breif, i experienced loss, i felt the support of my real friends and family and released myself from some guilt that had played on my mind that i was being the neglectful member of the family. i love my hubby more than ever, i value my friends, and sometimes i even feel like i'm ready to try again already.
if i have to go through the holidays 2008 withtout being pregnant it will hurt me though. i have wanted this for so long, i want to start again. nothing would erase the hurt like a new baby.