My little girl is gone

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HopefullySoon's picture
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My little girl is gone

I am, well I guess I should say was, part of the Dec 2007 birth boad. Here is what I posted there. I can't type it again.

My sweet, sweet, sweet baby girl is gone. No one knows why it happened. I had an emer csection on 12/22 and my baby girl Zara Beth was born at 3:24am. She was 7lb10oz and was 20 inches long. They were never able to get her to breathe or have a heartbeat. This is so real and at the same time so hard to believe. I held her and every single little thing about her was perfect. Her nose, her eyes, her lips, her little baby fingers and toes and arms and legs, just everything. I miss her so much. We are in shock. I can't believe I had to leave the hospital last night without my baby girl. I will post more when I can and also may share some pictures of my beautiful perfect baby when I can. I just can not believe this has happened. Instead of dealing with late night feedings I am arranging a funeral for my baby. There is nothing that could ever be as horrible as this. Nothing.

I don't know what I am supposed to be doing. I don't know how anyone can deal with a loss at full term. I was 40w5d. My baby's heart was beating at least a minute before she was born because I heard it but she never breathed on her on and they tried to revive her for 15 minutes before they gave up. No one knows what happened. She was only in distress for 8 mins (from the first signs of her heartbeat going up and down to when she was taken from my stomach).

troynicole's picture
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Vicky-I am SO very sorry for your loss. The loss of a child is the most horrible feeling in the world-no words can truly comfort you during this time, but know that we are here for each other. We have all experienced a loss and know what you are going through. Take time to heal and grieve and remember your precious angel. I'm so sorry you had to come here, but am glad you have found a sounding board. We are all here for you!
Nicole, in VA too!:bighug::bighug::bighug:

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I'm so sorry :bighug::bighug:

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I am so sorry Sad This board is a great place for support. Its not fair. I hope you will share pictures of your baby girl with us when you are ready.

Karen

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Oh...honey. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I know there are no words right now that will ease your pain. Just know that we are here for you... to lean on and hear your sorrows, whenever you feel that you are ready to share. I found that it really does help to have others who understand what you are going through.
I'm so sorry that you lost your beautiful little girl... no parent should ever have to feel the pain of losing a child. I wish there was no need for this board...but as there is, it provides wonderful support and I, for one, have made many friends here and don't know what I'd do without them.
The only thing that I can give you right now are lots of big hugs...and a promise that with time it does get better. Eventually it fades, so that you can remember how happy you were while she was here, and not just the overwhelming pain that comes from losing her.

My deepest sympathies...and all the hugs I can muster.
~Jessa~

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Vicky
I am so sorry to hear about your little girl. Did you name her? There is nothing worse than that surreal feeling of leaving the hospital with empty arms. It is hard to know where to begin to plan a funeral. it just isn't right. Try to get her hand and foot prints to keep as a memento of your darling daughter. I am glad that you got some photos.

I delivered my daughter still on August 10th. Instead of spending her first Christmas together I am bringing a wreath up to her. I just don't get it.

I read every thing I could get my hands on dealing with infant loss in those early days trying desperately to make sense of why I didn't have my baby. There are no explanations that are good enough. One of the books that I'd recommend is Empty Cradle Broken Heart by Deborah Davis.

Please come here as often as you like. If you need to chat you can go into the Grief and Loss chat room and see if anyone is there. Some of us try to log in there while on the computer.

I am so sorry that you are in such pain. Please know that we are here for you.
:bigarmhug:

Antionette

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I am so sorry for your loss

:bighug:

Amy

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I am so very sorry for your loss

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Vicky..

There is nothing that I can say...do....I am so, so, sorry, that your little girl Zara Beth has passed on Sad

Take one day at a time...maybe one minute at a time...Planning your little girls funeral is enough...something no mother should ever have to do Sad ..my heart breaks for you..your dh..your family Sad

These next days, weeks, months, will be some of the hardest that you have ever lived...your lives, forever changed. Know that we will be beside you...whatever you need....Even if you don't know what to say in a post...post anyway..we will all understand and be right here for you...Don't try to make sense out of anything right now...just *be* for a while..

Sending many, many, :bighug: your way....When you are ready to share more, we are here..

Marie

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I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of precious baby girl Zara. :cry:
No mother should have to make funeral arrangements for their baby!

We lost our first born, our son Cayman 8/1/06. I went 41.5 of pregnancy and he died when he was 10 days old from an undiagnosed congenital heart defect.

I know there are no words I can say that would ease your pain but to tell you how sad I am for you and your family. Please know you are not alone. I sought out this forum and it helped me in ways beyond explaination. Be very gentle with yourself and take it second by second, minute by mintute. Please feel free to pm me anytime too.

sending my deepest sympathies,
:bigarmhug:

Kelly
Proud Momma to Cayman Sinjin
Congenital Heart Defect Awareness
"What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose,
for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us."-Helen Keller

www.caringbridge.org/visit/caymansinjin
http://tchin.org/portraits/cayman-1.htm

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There are simply no words to say. Even though there are some of us who have experienced similar losses. This is your's. Take your time. One day at a time, sometimes one step, one breath at a time. Grieve, cry, scream, curse, do what you have to do. Everyone mourns differently, Know that we are here for you. I am so very sorry.

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I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing can comfort you at this time. Just take it moment by moment and be gentle with yourself. I hope the doctors can give you some answers at some point. God bless you and your family during this difficult time. May your baby girl rest in peace and please remember you will hold her in your heart forever.
Come here anytime for support or to just vent. We are all here for you.

Robin

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My heart breaks for you and your little one, Vicky. I'm so, so sorry.

Tamara

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I am so very sorry...

Bonnie

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Vicky, I"m so very sorry for your loss. :bighug:

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Vicky,
I am very sorry for your loss of your precious baby girl Zara Beth. I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of my son Joseph's stillbirth -- I can tell you with time you does get better, but you never forget. There will always be a piece of your heart missing.

Janel

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:bighug:

I'm so sorry for your loss...

Karen

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Hello

I'm so sorry for the loss of Zara Beth. I have no words. The ladies here have said it all. Try and focus on getting through each minute. This is a nightmare that no parent should face.

Try and be gentle on yourself.

xx

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I am so sorry for your loss.

Melissa

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I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep your entire family in my thoughts and prayers.

Teresa

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You know i am here for you sweetie. :giveflower:

Sarah
Mum to...
:angel2: Zane. Delivered by c-section at 41 weeks. Died due to Vasa Praevia. 16-17 October 2006
:angel2: Ada. Delivered by c-section at 25 weeks. Her heart just stopped. No explanation. 7 September 2007
Co-Host of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support.

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I am so very sorry for your loss, you, DH and your sweet baby girl are in my thoughts and prayers.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I know how devastating that is. Damien was born sleeping on July 31 of this year. Please, come here whenever you need. These ladies are amazing. If you need someone to talk with or cry to feel free to pm at any time.

Shelly

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Oh my goodness i am so incredibly sorry for your tragic loss, words cant even begin to describe what you must be going through. Just wanted to send you some hugs.