I lost my baby last night. This might be graphic, so please, if that will be hard for you don't read farther. I thank you all for your support and love.
I had been spotting...since last Monday, did an U/S on Tuesday to show a 9.5 week baby and heartbeat.
Last night, I got up at 3am to put Nolan back to bed and thought I'd go pee. I sat down on the toilet and felt a gentle slide and 'plop'. I thought it was just a clot, but wanted to be sure. There was no bleeding really and no pain at all.
I got some silicone food tongs from the kitchen and picked up the clot...as I pulled it from the water the blood washed away and there was my perfect baby. She had eyelids, arms and legs. I think I shreiked. I wasn't prepared to see that. There was no placenta, just the wee babe.
I cried a lot. I feel like I was probably a raving lunatic for an hour. My DH called my mom...she got my baby from where I had dropped her and we went to the ER. The scheduled me for an ultrasound for Tuesday.
I didn't make it to Tuesday. Around 11am this morning I stood up and started gushing. It wouldn't stop. I was cramping too, so back to the ER we went. I got demerol and slept some. And U/S revealed some retained tissue but still too much bleeding.
And OB consult and within 15 minutes of the consult I was wheeled into the OR for a D&C. I'm home now. Groggy, tired and sad, but OK. I'm just glad that it's all over. I'm glad I got to see my baby, even though I wasn't prepared for it. I kept the baby and we will bury her tomorrow...she is so tiny! Just about 2" long.
Thank you all for your support. I really appreciate it.
Moderator of the pregnancy and infant loss support board
I am so, so, sorry you lost your baby ...And in such a shocking way
I will be thinking of you tomorrow, as you bury your little one
I am sure you are already aware, that this board is a wonderful place to come and work through ones grief...We will all be here to help you get through the hard days, that you will have ahead of you...
Take one day at a time
I know tomorrow will be a very difficult day for you...Please check in so we know how you are holding together...if you are able..
I am so very sorry for your loss. I know that it is really of little comfort, but my Damien will be in heaven waiting for her to play with her and be her companion. In the few days that I have been on this board I have actually been able to find a small piece of emotional healing. I hope that you too find peace when you are ready.