my loss (preg/loss/child ment)
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  1. #1
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    Default my loss (preg/loss/child ment)

    Hi, My name is Melissa, and was lurking for awhile on the October boards. I think I was always afraid for some reason to post there. ....Unfortunately I have lost my little one...I was due on Oct. 22 and on Sat. Miscarried at about 10 weeks. I honestly can't belivee that this has happened. This would have been my third pregnancy. I have a Son, 3yrs and Daughter 2yrs.

    I tried to let it pass on it's own but after almost a week, and unbearable pain, I knew that my body couldn't take anymore. yesterday I had a D&C. I am glad that I did b/c physically and emotionally I couldnt take anymore pain. Today, I don't feel any pain, and hardly any bleeding. I just feel so empty. I t is so hard to deal with especially b/c iwas showing and had to wear materinity clothes. Today was especially hard b/c someone sent me a congrats on your preg card....I ripped it up. How do you get through these things? OR if people say congratulations, b/c they dont know? I find it is worse if people don't acknowledge your loss. My sister in law has not even called me at all since finding out. This hurts alot and also hurts my husband.


    So sorry for the rambling and thank you for listening,I know in time the pain will get better, but I will never forget. Melissa

  2. #2
    Supporter lanlaiely's Avatar
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    I was just the oppositive of you. When I had my M/C, I didn't want anyone to talk to me. I avoided everyone. I dreaded going back to work. I didn't want to see everyone's sympathic eyes. I wanted to wear a sign on the back of my shirt that says "I don't want to talk about it." I just completely shut everyone and everything off.

    It was hard and I don't think I handled it well at all. I was bitter and angry with God and I didn't know how to let go of that. Until he gave me another chance. Then things seem to get better.

    /comfort. Hang in there. Someday, you will feel better.
    Last edited by LauraT; 03-27-2008 at 10:08 PM. Reason: to remove signature

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    Supporter StephanieJune's Avatar
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    I am sorry for your loss. Losing your baby is hard enough, but having people congratulate you, or make other insensitive remarks makes it even harder. Just try to remember that those who congratulate you weren't trying to hurt you, they just didn't know. Maybe sending out a mass email, or asking your husband to call people and tell them about your loss for you will help deflect some of those ignorant comments. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Know that the pain won't always be as sharp, or as all-consuming as it is right now. Eventually it will fade to a dull ache, but you will always remember your angel baby.

  4. #4
    cabin_dweller
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    I agree with StephanieJune, those people aren't intentionally trying to hurt you, even though those comments DO hurt. As for the people who don't say anything, I try to look at it like, they just don't know what to say. No doubt your SIL is hurting for the both of you, but maybe she's just scared to approach you about it? It's a tough situation for everyone involved. Sorry you had to go through this m/c, we all know how difficult it is, but feel free to vent here whenever you need to! This place is seriously keeping me sane some days.

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    Im sorry for your loss! I agree with pp alot of time people dont have the words and they feel very uncomfortable talking to you after a loss like this for fear of saying the wrong thing. They dont realize all we would like is an Im sorry, we are here for you and maybe a hug!! Hopefully you will find support here, we have all been through it and know your pain!! We are here to offer our (((((HUGS)))))! Take care of yourself while you heal, physically and mentally!
    Last edited by LauraT; 03-27-2008 at 10:08 PM. Reason: to remove signature

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    Hun, I am so very sorry for your loss. I have been there and completely understand. For a while its a dark, lonely, unhappy place to be, but you will get through it. You will also get lots of support and comfort here too. I also had d & c too, and after it I felt lots of anger. Im sure thats probably the stage you are going through now. I was furious with all my family, I felt like they did not really acknowledge my loss, and comfort me like they should, so I understand where you are coming from. Your SIL should try to make the effort to at least call you and tell you how sorry she is. I understand its hard for people to know what to say, but family should try anyway. A simple 'im so sorry for your loss, and im thinking of you' is what we need to hear. I had my loss in jan, and I still get some dark days nows, but they are getting less and less. I remember after my loss it was awful weather and just rained continually for a week, and thats exactly how I felt inside - just dark and miserable. The sun will come out though, I promise. I agree that you will never forget. To me i'll always have 2 children and 1 angel. I found marking my loss helped, I ordered a m/c bracelet and I wear it all the time. I will be thinking of you, and hoping that your pain eases with time (((Hugs)))

  7. #7
    rh1430
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    I am sorry for your loss. I did not want to talk to anyone after my lose. I just wanted to be alone with my husband and grieve. It does get better but for me it has taken awhile. It has been over 9 months since I miscarried at 16 weeks, I actually delivered my angel and then has a d/c to remove placenta. You will have a rollercoaster of emotions. Remember to be gentle with yourself and take time to grieve. Don't put a time limit on your emotions.

    I had a coworker announce to everyone that I lost the baby so no one congratulated me. I did get the sad eyes though. Maybe a friend could pass the word around so that you are not bombarded with questions.
    I am so sorry for your loss. Please feel free to vent here anytime you need or want to. The ladies on the board are incredible.

    Thinking of you,
    Robin

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    Posting Addict KaellyNicole's Avatar
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    I am so sorry sweetheart! It's very ruff when people ask, because they don't know, but politely and quickly fill them in and walk away. Everytime will make you cry and knowing that is half the battle. Breathing is the other half. At least in my experience.

    For people who are close to you, especially people who have never experienced a loss, expect to them act a little weird. More often then not, they simply don't know what to say and are very scared of hurting you!

    I hope you find comfort in whatever you can during this time, but feel free to vent on here as often as you need!

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    Contributor nurseapril's Avatar
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    (M/C, loss ment)

    Melissa,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am also new to the board and the baby I recently loss would have also been due in October ( 10/18 ) Please continue to ramble since it makes me feel like what I'm feeling isn't so off base. I lost my son, Lance, on October 13, 2007 during labor (his due date was also 10/18 ) and it seemed like everyone wanted to be there and offer words of encouragement. You soon find that not everyone is as good at it as they would like to be. After this recent loss, it seems even harder to not blow my top after someone says something hurtful, even if they're trying to be nice. I just try to take a deep breath and calm down. I do agree with you that the worst is when people just don't say anything. Thankfully, my core support group (my DH, my 2 best friends and my Mom) call me, talk to me and cry with me even when I don't feel like I need it and it helps get me through. Please feel free to get in touch with me if you need to. I don't know how much I can help, but I can listen.

    April

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    Thank you so much for your kind words of support. It really helps to hear from people who have been there. It seems it is one of the only things that makes me feel a little better. I bit the bullet and went to work on Friday night. I am a nurse in a NICU so nobody thought it was a good idea. I really think it helped me to be back doing what I enjoy, even though it is with the babies. I am just praying for strength and hoping that each day gets easier. I am also (as crazy as it sounds) looking forward to trying again.... I feel it will help me heal a little.....

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