My morning

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Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692
My morning

I went to church this morning. The last time I went was on Easter (the day after Easter was when I learned that my babies heart stopped) and I lit a candle for our little one. Not sure why I'm writing this here but I just felt like it - so here it is!

I'm assuming my DH knows who I lit the candle for although we didn't talk about it. On the ride home I was going to say that I lit the candle for our little one but am assuming he figures since the only times I really light candles are on the anniversary of his dad's passing, my moms passing, my grandfathers or near their birthdays. And if there is another reason - like a sick friend or something then I'll usually say we're lighting a candle for the health of so and so today.

Thinking of you all today and am so sorry we all have to experience such heartache. :bighug:


nurseapril's picture
Last seen: 7 years 3 months ago
Joined: 01/25/07
Posts: 48

I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you. I still have a hard time doing things that I last did when I was pregnant. I can't help but think about it the whole time I'm doing whatever it may be.

I try to spit out things to my husband even if I know he probably knows what I'm up to. Usually its good for the both of us to get out all of the emotions every once in a while. I think I spent a lot of time after Lance passed away bottling up emotions that I didn't think I had. Since the miscarriage, I just let it all out. I feel better when I do.

I'm also sorry for what we've all been through, but I'm not sorry that it brought all of us together. Hearing what everyone has to say has really brought me a lot of peace, and I thank you all for that.


tina_haley_n_beanz_mommy's picture
Last seen: 7 years 12 months ago
Joined: 11/14/06
Posts: 212

Well share away. We are here to support you and to bounce things off of.

Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

There is a virtual site that allows you to light candles and I light them all the time for my babies, and others.
It is a nice way to remember them, that they are still the light of your life.

cdokter's picture
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

I try not to spit things out to my hubby too but he usually know what I'm thinking and makes me talk anyway...LoL...I'm glad you were able to do something for your baby. I don't know if I'm ever going to get to that place. Right now, and I know this is really, really horrible, but I just want to move on. I don't want to remember. I wish I could forget it ever happened. I'm proud of you for being able to get up and go out and to be able to aknowledge your gried in public and to pray for your little one.

Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I think it's beautiful that you lit a candle for your angel baby. This is just my opinion but...whether or not your DH knows whom you lit the candle for doesn't really matter -- what matters is that you did something that helped you with your grief.

Hopefully your DH is doing things to work through his grief too. I think men grieve so differently than we do, because of how we are socialised (that 'boys don't cry' rubbish) and also the fact that women have better verbal skills. [It's truly a proven female brain thing...]

My DH doesn't avail himself of this board like I do, eventhough I've told him how much it helps me. That's his choice, but also his loss. I love him dearly, and respect the fact that he grieves how he feels he needs to, and I process my grief as I feel I need to. He respects my visits to this board, and deeply appreciates how much this has helped me.

If your DH figured out whom you lit the candle for, he might be appreciating how this helped you. And maybe by watching you do it, you silently helped him too.

I'm proud of you for actively and bravely working through your grief.