I often feel like people just don't understand what I'm going through, so I would like to tell my story. Please read at your own discretion.
This was my third miscarriage in less than a year. I found out through ultrasound that the baby had died the day before I miscarried and I was about 10 weeks pregnant.
Early Saturday morning, at about 1 am, I woke in pain. Intermittent contractions woke me until 3:00 am when their intensity kept me from sleeping at all. I knew I was having my baby soon. Blood gushed as I sat alone in the dark in pain.
The contractions slowed for a while in the early morning, but then picked up again as lunch time approached and I hoped that the baby would come soon. Finally, at 2:30 in the afternoon, I gave birth.
My baby was still safely sitting in the amniotic sac. My water never broke, so the baby was born just as it had lived in my womb. The placenta was attached, too, which explained why I needed to go through so much labour for such a premature baby.
I called the nursing hotline and the nurse was alarmed that I was still at home. She told me to get someone to drive me to the ER, or call 911 right away. I could hemorrhage and bleed to death.
So, off we went on Saturday evening. I arrived with my baby in a Tupperware container, still safely in the amniotic sac and the nurse told me I needed to wait until someone came with a jar of saline to take the baby for testing. I waited and waited in the ER waiting room, with people giving me strange looks, wondering what I was holding so close.
After 2.5 hours, I was brought to a room where a nurse came with a little jar (the type you use for urine samples) and said "I hear you have a specimen" and held the jar out to me. I carefully opened the lid and showed her my "specimen" and her jaw dropped. She stood there with her mouth open, looking completely horrified.
I said, "I don't know what you want me to do with this." as there was no way I would be able to get my baby into her little jar.
She continued to stare at it with her mouth open looking horrified, so I gently said, "I don't think it's going to fit." And she continued to just stand there with her mouth hanging open, looking horrified.
Finally, she snapped out of it and said she would just take my container and off she went. I never got a chance to say 'goodbye'.
After a painful exam, I was allowed to go home, but today once again, I was in pain, and passed another piece of the placenta. More blood. More tears.
Unfortunately, my first angel baby was due around now, and since I miscarried around Christmas time, people had bought me maternity stuff and someone gave out my information. Since Saturday, I have had four telemarketers call and say things like, "Hi, this is *** Baby Photography, How is your baby doing?" or "Did you have a boy or a girl?"
I know I'm going to find it particularly tough when my EDD arrives (mid-Aug), it's already getting hard. And what a horrible reminder to have people calling and asking, ugh, I feel for you. Hang in there...
Oh my god. I am so, so sorry. I can tell from your factual post that you are in so much pain. I had a very unhelpfull Dr. during my loss as well and also did it at home (but with the help of a great hubby). I know how you feel. It seems so unreal and so frightening all at the same time. Like one of those nightmares that you have where you see yourself doing things but don't feel part of the story. I want to punch that nurse for you. Again, I'm so sorry.
Oh sweetheart! I am so sorry. I'm sorry that you didn't get to say goodbye to your angel. And what an ordeal. I'm sorry that on top of another miscarriage you are dealing with an edd, and calls from ppl. Huge hugs and prayers.
I am SO sorry for your losses and for your horrifying ordeal -- especially with that nurse!!! For heaven's sake -- she's totally in the wrong profession.
Sweetheart, I'm glad you wrote about it here. I respect your courage and honesty. It's good to 'get it out' amongst those who care, and those who can relate. I didn't lose 2 in one year, but I did lose 2 within 3 months of each other. And I also did an 'all nighter' at home once, though my labour didn't last as long as yours. It was so lonely, so surreal.
Write here anytime. We're here for you, and we're going to help you through this.
"Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is action, in spite of fear."
-- Mark Twain
I am so sorry for all of your losses, and I am sorry for all you had to go through. It's incredible to me how much more difficult supposed medical "professionals" can make things. We all have horror stories, although few can match the idiocy of yours.
I am so sorry that you did not get to say good-bye to your angel, but I am glad you got to see her and hold her, and I hope those moments help your grieving process.
I'm glad you shared your story, and I hope you can continue to find comfort here.
Thanks for reading, ladies. I really need to talk about things sometimes.
As for the nurse, I don't really blame her. I'm sure she wasn't doing that on purpose. I just wish that she would have a bit more training so she would know more what to expect. The doctor told me at least five times that they don't usually get this kind of case in emerg. I wonder where everyone goes? (I'm assuming most people come in earlier and get a D&C or are sent to maternity or something)
I'm so sorry. That sounds awful. I bet you're right. It seems like most people opt for D & C. I wonder if most people who don't just stay home. I was told by my m/w that I only needed to go in if the heavy bleeding lasted over 2 hours or I felt light headed, but my baby was only 8 weeks when it died.