Hello. My name is April and I am writing this in hopes I can get some advice from those of you who have made it through losses with a happy ending. My DH and I have been dating since we were in high school and married for 3 years when I found out I was pregnant. I had just went off b/c after being on it for years and didn't expect to get pregnant so soon, but we were so happy as was everyone else since there were no grandchildren on either side. We had a non-eventful pregnancy that ended with a very traumatic labor. I labored for almost 24 hours, pushed for at least 2 hours before they assisted with suction to find out the baby's shoulder was stuck (shoulder dystocia), and after many manuevers which didn't free it, they took me for emergency c section. When I woke up, I found out that my son, Lance, did not make it. He was born on October 13, 2007 at 39 weeks. He was 10 lbs. 3 oz. and 21 inches long. An ultrasound 3 days before delivery said he was 7 lbs. We have a lot of unresolved questions about the care we received.
We were told many different things when we asked how long we needed to wait before we could try again. The doctor we chose to see for the future told us 4 months that the preferred time frame was 6, but that she was comfortable with 4. We ended up getting pregnant again, quickly as we did the first time, just shy of 4 months after Lance. We were cautiously optomistic and just happy for once that there was finally something good happening.
I came home from work one night to find that I was spotting. I was technically 7 weeks. I called and ended up getting an appointment for an u/s the next day. We went in to find a little baby with a heartbeat. The only problem was that there was an area on the ultrasound that they identified as a subchorionic hemorrhage (bleed). They told us that most of them resolve on their own that it wasn't something to worry about. I ended up taking time off of work to take it easy and had another appointment in a few days. We saw a bigger baby with a heartbeat the next time and the hemorrhage seemed to shrink a bit. We scheduled an appointment for a week later and that's when we found our baby, who had growed even more, with no heartbeat.
To complicate things, I'm a nurse on a pediatric icu where 3 of my co-workers are pregnant and were just a couple of weeks ahead of me. After Lance died, I went back feeling that the kids brought me hope that things would work out even when all the odds are against you. Now I just feel like its rubbing salt in my wounds that things seem to work out for everyone else. I love my job, but I just don't think I can do it well right now. I have put in for a transfer to another unit. I hope that it will only be temporary, but I'm just not sure.
My hope is that somebody can give me some guidance. Right now, I just feel like I'm never going to have a child. When I ask if these feelings are normal, the doctors just tell me there is no reason to think that it won't happen. (I had a lot of testing done between the pregnancies) I know that I want to try again, but I'm scared to death that it will end in more pain and cause me to never want to try again. Any advice would be appreciated.
I am sorry for the loss of your son Lance, and for your recent miscarriage. I can't imagine how traumatic it must have been to go through such a long and difficult labor and then find out that your son didn't make it. Although I know that it is easy to think that you will never have a healthy child, I just have a feeling that you will. It sounds like what happened with Lance could have been prevented by a doctor, in my opinion. Which means that when you do get pregnant again, you can prevent it from happening again. Were you able to do any testing on your more recent loss? Maybe that would give you some answers. I am not a doctor, so I can't give you medical advice, but I can give you my thoughts and prayers. Know that we are always here for you if you need to talk.
We were able to have this loss tested. We decided to have a rocket proceedure done (similar to d and c, only in the ob office) so they were able to do some testing. We have yet to hear anything from that as I'm sure it takes a while.
Thank you for your words. Sometimes it feels like nobody around me knows what to say. Thankfully, I have great family and friends, and it doesn't stop them from trying. I think it will just help to hear from people who know what I'm going through. Thank you.
You're welcome. This board has been a great source of comfort for me since my miscarriage on February 1. I was only 8 weeks along, and I had a very quick natural miscarriage, so I could not have any testing done, but I am only 18 years old, so I have several years left to have more children. I will always remember my angel baby though. I hope that you can get some closure when you get your test results back. Try not to blame yourself in the mean time though. There was nothing you could have done. I blamed myself for a while, but I finally realized that it wasn't my fault. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
Unfortunately we all know the despair and heartache you're feeling. I'm so sorry you had to go through that hard labour with Lance and then the subsequent m/c. I had a m/c at 8 weeks in 2006, and am now going through my second m/c, at 16 weeks, although the baby didn't grow past 14.5 weeks. I thought the first m/c was a freak thing, and thought my second pg would be totally fine. Although I don't have a happy ending to share with you (yet!), I can say I am trying to be optimistic about future pg's. Even though at times it's hard, and when I do get pg I know I'll be worried. Someone on this site made the comment about "letting go of the fear" and once you do that, you can move on and enjoy future pg's. Also, that even though there will be moments of worry and doubt when you get pg again, there will also be those moments of excitement and joy! I think about this latest LO I lost and try to recall the joy he/she brought me as my belly grew, instead of the heartache I'm going through now.
And I'm sure you've heard, that LOTS of women go on from two or three (or more!) m/c's to have totally healthy babies!
It will be good for you to get the results though, please keep us posted.
Feel free to pm me when you need a boost or just someone to vent to... I find I'm doing a LOT of that these days.
Thanks for the words of encouragement and support cabin_dweller. I also wanted to say how sorry I am for what has happened to you. I read some of your other posts. I don't know how much help I can be, but please know that you can contact me for anything as well.
(((HUGS))) I am deeply sorry for the loss of your son and the loss of your angel!
Sadly, we all know the saddness you're going through. Right now, I'm a mommy to four angels with a baby on the way. My husband and I met our freshman year in college and got married about a year after I graduated. He joined the Army, I finished my last term of college (system in FL where you can do College & HS together)... and we decided we wanted a baby ASAP. We had three "normal" losses, all before 9 weeks, started bleeding and you know the rest. My husband then deployed to Iraq for a year, so we thought we'd take some time off since we couldn't TTC even if we wanted to. The month after he returned home I got pregnant again. I made it past 12 weeks and thought it was all fine, to have an ultrasound at 12w5d of a baby with no heartbeat. We had some genetic tests done with nothing showing up, but we did find out the baby was a boy. Phillip has been gone a little over a year now. Although, I do/don't have a happy ending for you, I can say that I am pregnant again. I hit 17 weeks today and next week we're finding out what we're having. I have a very nasty medical history and am dealing with my share of complications, but so far so good!
You're much stronger then I to work where you do though! I grew up on a cancer ward as a child and definately racked up a lot of hours in Pediatric ICU... those nurses hated me though! I was three/four/five and didn't believe in bedpans, they'd put my IV through the crib holes so I wouldn't escape... I'd just unhook the IV. I was a brat though!
I can say this though, I have three beautiful nephews from my sister, who had a total of 7 miscarriages, but had 3 very healthy sons.
I'm hoping you find some comfort in whatever you believe in (sorry, I'm a Christian, so for me it's God, but I know everyone doesn't believe in Him). (((HUGS)))
Thanks KaellyNicole. I do believe in God, I just don't know if we're on good terms right now. I keep trying to be positive, but its hard when you have nothing but negative to go on, as I'm sure you know. Its very encouraging to hear your story, both about your pregnancy and being a cancer survivor. Believe it or not, at least the nurses I worked with and I, love all of our patients, even our "problem children." I'm even going to miss them. I know I need a change for a while though.
i found out i was pregnant just a few weeks ago, and i was so excited. i tried to keep it quite but my husband told EVERYBODY he knew... and a little over a week after we confirmed it, at just 6 weeks... i started spotting and it was basicly over in just a couple hours. i hadnt even had a change to tell my sisters yet and it was already over.
we had been trying for 8 months. we were so happy. sometimes i'm fine and i'm sure i can go on, try again, get more fit before the next one to give it a better chance, and sometimes i just wish i could go back a week and be pregnant again.
hearing some of the stories from people out there reminds me that my dreams arent over, just postponed, and we can try again.