I went to boarding school during high school. During my senior year, I was raped and became pregnant. I was terrified. I knew that if it was known that I was pregnant, I would be kicked out of school. My family had told me for years that if I had a baby before I could support it, they would not raise it. I was so trapped. I wanted kids. I didn't know what to do. I was terrified. I had no one to turn to. No one at all.
From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I loved my baby. I carried her long enough for my clothes to not fit over my bulging belly. When I was starting to show, I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my pregnancy much longer. Not thinking I had any other options, in a scene that might have mirrored early abortions, I caused my body to miscarry her. I was devastated by my situation. After I started bleeding, I became very sick. For two weeks, I had a very high fever. The school thought that I had the flu. I did not get to see a doctor. In hindsight, I know that I am lucky to have lived through it.
After the pregnancy was over, I became so depressed. I stopped eating. I just wanted to die. I could barely cope.
It took me years to tell anyone at all what had happened. I felt so guilty. I felt so sad. I missed that baby. I felt that she was a girl and I named her Audrey. She would be 19 today.
It is very hard for me to share this. I don't feel like it fits on the abortion board. I feel like I lost her.
There were 6 more losses but I cannot speak of them. Please don't judge.
I'm so sorry that you were forced to experience all of that, and at such a young age... I'm sure it really just stripped away a lot of the innocence of it all. I'm happy that you felt comfortable to share some of your story here and I hope that it has helped somewhat in your path to healing.