Thread: Nearly 20 years ago and still painful

Here is part of my story. Please don't judge.

I went to boarding school during high school. During my senior year, I was raped and became pregnant. I was terrified. I knew that if it was known that I was pregnant, I would be kicked out of school. My family had told me for years that if I had a baby before I could support it, they would not raise it. I was so trapped. I wanted kids. I didn't know what to do. I was terrified. I had no one to turn to. No one at all.

From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I loved my baby. I carried her long enough for my clothes to not fit over my bulging belly. When I was starting to show, I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my pregnancy much longer. Not thinking I had any other options, in a scene that might have mirrored early abortions, I caused my body to miscarry her. I was devastated by my situation. After I started bleeding, I became very sick. For two weeks, I had a very high fever. The school thought that I had the flu. I did not get to see a doctor. In hindsight, I know that I am lucky to have lived through it.

After the pregnancy was over, I became so depressed. I stopped eating. I just wanted to die. I could barely cope.

It took me years to tell anyone at all what had happened. I felt so guilty. I felt so sad. I missed that baby. I felt that she was a girl and I named her Audrey. She would be 19 today.

It is very hard for me to share this. I don't feel like it fits on the abortion board. I feel like I lost her.

There were 6 more losses but I cannot speak of them. Please don't judge.

Heidi

Oh Heidi, no one has a right to judge you. You were raped for goodness sake! I can only imagine what you went through and I am sorry you are still dealing with this 20 years on.

xx

Thank you for sharing your story, it was a brave thing to do. Have you ever had any counseling?
I am sorry for your loss. I hope that sharing your story bring you some healing and some closure.

I am so sorry. It broke my heart to read your story. Huge hugs to you, I agree that counseling might be a great help if you haven't already tried it.

Yes, I've had therapy. Lots of it.

Thanks for your support. Thank you for not judging me.

Heidi

I'm very sorry for your loss and everything that you went through. Huge hugs, and no judgement here.

I'm so sorry that you were forced to experience all of that, and at such a young age... I'm sure it really just stripped away a lot of the innocence of it all. I'm happy that you felt comfortable to share some of your story here and I hope that it has helped somewhat in your path to healing.