...and it's one week before Mother's Day:-( I remember when I was so thrilled to have my EDD so close to that day after so long trying to get pregnant.
This will be my first "Mother's Day" as an invisible mother of one baby in Heaven and not even a pregnancy otherwise. Partly I feel like wearing a sign saying "I'm a Mom, really" and part of me just wants to disappear until that day is over. Sometimes I tell DH that I want him to get me flowers for the day and partly I know that nothing he could bring me will feel good.
To make things worse, my DH is going out of town for the week between the "EDD" and Mother's Day. I begged him not to go but gave up when I realized he felt like he had to for work. His boss didn't send him but they are supporting him. My DH is usually so supportive that I finally gave up and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. But I hate that I won't even be able to talk to him much. He'll be on a week of talks and parties and I'll be home alone. At least I can eat all the crap I want and he can't give me that look. I can also rent all the chick flicks I can stand or just read the week away. Maybe having that week to myself will be for the best. My DH grieves in such a different way than me that I feel like I'm grieving alone most times. The only thing that would be worse then being all alone that week would be to feel horrible and bicker with DH or feel like a freak.
I wish I had friends to get support from that week but, ever since the loss, I've been too tired to bother making my friendships work. I really like the girls I am friends with but they all have little ones and live far enough away that I just don't see them anymore unless I make the effort. Plus, none of them have dealt with a loss like this and they've all been very sweet but none of them know what to say (just the standard wrong things). I know I should make friends with women who aren't moms yet but I don't have the energy for those places, either, or to have much in common with them right now. I've been TTC for so long, and wanting to be a mom for so long, that my conversations are limited. I'm in the purgatory between being single and being a mom. Add shyness and grief to that and it's a bad combination--I could sign up for classes I guess, or go volunteer somewhere, but I'm not ready and nothing comes to mind that would be worth leaving the house for.
So, to make a long story short, I'm lonely and I need suggestions for that horrible week. For those of you who have been there, was there anything you did on Mother's Day or the "EDD" that helped you feel better? Were you surrounded by loved ones or alone, and do you wish you had done the opposite or was it a good choice?
Part of me wants to go shopping but there are Mother's Day ads all over the place so that would be a crazy idea. I've also thought about the spa but it'll be the same situation. So any other suggestions are welcome!!!