Ladies I am suffering so bad. I m/c on June 18, 2007 and it still hurts. All I can do is cry. I have had anxiety in the past and it has returned worse than ever. I can't even work. I am in therapy but it doesn't seem to go anywhere. How can I talk to someone who has never been in my shoes. Yes she may seem like she knows, but only those who have lost can understand our pain. I miss my beautiful daughter everyday. It just will hit my out of the blue, oh my god I lost her. And then the mourning and pain starts all over again. I don't know how so many of you can go through this and come out on the other side alright. When will the pain and heart ache be manageable? I think I was numb until the month after her lost then I was flooded with emotions. I don't know, maybe I would be better numb.
I can't talk with my husband because he grieves differently than me. People at work are insensitive butt heads. My family things I am going crazy. That I should be alright by now. I just want to hold my baby one last time. I didn't have enough time with her or to even really say goodbye. The shock of the delivery and pain was all I could focus on. Thanks for listening. Any responses would be appreciated.
Moderator of the pregnancy and infant loss support board
You are far from crazy...you are a grieving mother
You are right when you say that only those who have lost are the ones who can truly help...as we are the only ones who can have some understanding of the pain that you are going through...
Letting yourself go through the emotions you are experiencing, as a result of losing your daughter, is what is needed...We must all go through this, if we are ever to learn how to live with the fact that we have a little one/es that have passed on....This is not easy, I know..
I can say, as time passes, the emotions that are flooding you now, will not be as frequent...This will not happen because you do not love, or miss your little one....It will happen because you have started to learn to live without your little one....This is how it is for me now...But don't think there are not times, mostly in the shower for some reason...that I break down and cry....missing one, or all of my little ones at once..depending on where my head happens to be at the moment...
I do not believe that these moments will ever go away while here on earth....That said, for me? in heaven one day?? I look forward to that day...when I can hold them...and tell them how much I love them..never having to ever leave them again....never having to have those moments of sobbing uncontrollably, because they are not with me...
Coming to this on line group has been so important to me in the healing process....I know it will be for you as well...
Have you also tried to find IRL loss groups in your area?? A group where you can share IRL with other women who have experienced a loss/es?? Usually the leaders of these groups have experienced loss/es as well...
Know that we are all here for you....we understand...we will not set a time limit on grieving, cause there is none...Take the time you need...Don't let anyone push you along in this process...You will get there in your own time, this I know..
hugs hon. I am sorry that your family is not being the support system you need right now. If you had lost her as an 6mo old, would they expect you to be over it now? No way. Losing a child is losing a child, and it hurts, and probably always will.
I love this board, because everyone does know the pain of loss, and I cannot talk to those around me in real life as freely. I can grieve w/o someone judging me or pitying me.
I am so sorry that you lost your daughter, and like Marie's suggestion of some groupsin your area, it may help immensely.
I can empathize with this. My husband often asked if I talked to my mother about my m/c. This is one of those things my mom will never understand. My husband can't even understand. It's terrible when you can't confide in those closest to you.
Use the boards. The women here are grieving, too. Let everything out whenever you need it.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Damien has been gone nearly six weeks now and there are some days that it feels like he has only been gone for minutes the pain is that sharp and overwhelming. I have some decent days now and time will make things bearable. I will never "get over" this. I don't think that any of us ever will. How do you get over a major part of you not being there? I agree with pp when they say that your emotions are normal. Acknowledge them and the depth of the love that you had for your child that creates such deep grief. I hope that you find peace in your heart and soul. Shelly
It is not something you will get over. I had my m/c over a year ago and I still miss and think about that baby. Eventually you can think about it without it breaking your heart. Does the therapist that you are seeing specialize in loss and grief? If not, I would try to find one that does. And post here and get support from the women here. I really feel like if I was not posting here when I lost my baby that I would have gone nuts. It helps so much to be with people who understand.
I appreciate your kind words. Yes my therapist does specialize in grieving. Today has been better. My family doctor thinks I have a little postpartum depression on top of the grieving. I am always been alittle depressed with anxiety, but after this experience I am on edge all the time and cry constantly. I am glad I have you guys to talk to.
Last edited by Michelle; 09-10-2007 at 08:22 PM.
Reason: to remove signature
I developed a significant anxiety disorder after my first loss that I didn't have before. It was brought on I guess by the severe emotional diffiuclty I was facing. My DH could not leave me alone long or I would start to think of everything and wind up crying and just beside myself. The anxiety still creeps in a bit. I can't not know something and anticiption of appointments or results sets me back quite a bit. I am trying to work on this.
Recognizing I was anxious helped a bit. I had to try to keep myself occupied as much as I could. Eventually it subsided. I believe talking on here often helped that happen easier. I too felt like I couldn't talk to anyone for fear of upsetting them or also because they just didn't understand. My advice is to post on here whenever you are down. It helps alot. It is nice to be able to come on here and say how you really feel instead of sugar coating it for your friends.
I am sorry that you have to go through this. Everyone does greive differently and for different lenghts of time. I just suggest to take each day as it comes. I still have difficult days, but I am thankful to be having better days most of the time.
For me too, everyone around me doesn't seem to accept my losses really as a death in my family. So, one thing that has helped me after my last loss in July has been to have my babies be remembered at least by me, if no one else. I found a prayer that someone had posted along with some quotes, etc., that spoke of our children being on God's lap right now. I am looking for a shadow box and will include that prayer along with a cross that I made with seashells (from a recent vacation). This will be displayed in my home. And, any of my family or guest will see this and hopefully understand a little more. But, most of all it will be a great comfort to me everytime I look at it.