need to vent (loss ment)

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shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814
need to vent (loss ment)

As many of you ladies know already, we are in a lawsuit over the loss of our precious Damien.

We had to wait six months after filing with the navy before we could file federally.

Our six months is nearly over and our lawyer is moving forward with the case. Well, he contacted me yesterday about some paperwork that he needs. For the federal filing, he needs a copy of the certificate of fetal demise. Here comes the vent.....

I really really hate that term. I hate the word fetus. I know that it is a medical term and technically correct but I still hate it. That was not just a fetus and it was DAMIEN'S DEATH not just some clinical case of fetal demise.

As everyone on this site can attest, that is our baby from the minute we know of their existence.

I just hate the callous and cold and impersonal nature of that term. There could be nothing less personal than the death of my sweet child.

Okay, I am going to step off of my soap box for now.


tina_haley_n_beanz_mommy's picture
Joined: 11/14/06
Posts: 212

I hate it too. They are living beings whether they make it 40+ weeks or not. They are living and hence they are part of me and mean something. I just wish there was a better way to approach it. Just like when they fill out certain info they put Baby So'n'So. No she had a real name. Use it.

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I so get what you mean about the baby so-and-so stuff.

All of the paperwork kept saying Baby Boy Hudson.

His flippin' name was Damien.

I just want to scream it from the rooftops. I realize that there has to be some detachment being in the medical arena, but please, ice water in your veins is not really necessary, is it?

Thanks for your reply. It sucks to have people fully understand what I am going through but it is also comforting to know that what I am feeling is not completely off the wall.


deborah74's picture
Joined: 12/14/05
Posts: 698


I can understand that would hurt alot.

HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

I hate how they try so hard to make it not personal. They have to detach themselves from it. I am a real believer in the truth. The real truth always comes out if you keep on with persistence. This court case will be so hard, but just take things a day at a time.
I love when anyone says my baby girl Zara's name. It is so special when I hear them acknowledge her as a person. It is like a song to my ears.
Take care of yourself. You are a good mom.

KaellyNicole's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 219

I agree! Just like the term "sponteous abortion", they both irk me to no end! I'm sorry I don't know the details behind the loss of your son, but I do hope whatever is filed goes through and you get what justice you're looking for!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

They are all unfeeling medical terms. I'm sorry they could not be more feeling. We all know he was your baby. They are babies from the time the sprem and the egg meet.

As much as it hurts, it is just a medical term and you need to let it go. I am sure it will not be the last time you hear this during the law suit. I'm praying for you!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Hi Shelly

I'm so glad you chose to vent about it, and that you've received lots of empathic responses here. Me too: I really feel for you -- I remember the detached and clinical way my ob/gyn spoke. So darned factual, I just wanted to scream in his face (but I resisted...)

Damien is your son, and you are his mommy -- period.

I'm sorry you have to go through legal dramas too: I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope the legal matter passes as soon as possible.

Big hugs,

Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 250

I'm sorry Shelly.

It'd be nice if they werent so freaking insensitive. I know when we got Savannah's report back and it said 'un named fetus Quinn'- I was pissed.



Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I know what you mean. I can't stand the terms missed abortion and products of conception. HATE HATE HATE them. :pissed: I am so sorry you have to deal with insensitive terms like this for even longer.

I hope you get some resolution. KUP, ok?

Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 161

Those terms are so insensitive. Each time I hear them it reinforces the BS that I'm not a mom when I know I am even if I don't have a child to parent.

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

Hugs to you, Shelly.

All those terms that they use are just so upsetting. They are talking about our children. Keep us posted if you'd like on how things are going. Thinking of you.



Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I totally agree! When I was signing out of the hospital after the D&C, I read the papers that said I was there for an "inevitable abortion" - ew, I hate that term associated with what happened.

At least my Dr was good about it, when they called it a medical "abortion" she said "I know, it's a horrible term, but that's what it's called medically..." at least there was some acknowledgement there.

Hang in there Shelly, we're all here for you!!!

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908


I feel lucky to live in a state that for a loss after 20 weeks, a certificate of birth is given, which has his name, etc. It's officially called "certificate of birth resulting in stillbirth", but at least he's recognized as a person.


StephanieJune's picture
Joined: 01/19/08
Posts: 103

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Medical and legal terms are so insensitive. Reading this makes me feel lucky that I miscarried in the first trimester and didn't have to have any medical procedures or testing or reports or anything like that. You are in my thoughts and prayers.