...the pain that is, the longing for your baby.
Its been so long, and it still hurts... not as bad, not quite as often... but the pain is still there. I miss him so much...and I can't help thinking "what if". Today he would be one month old.
I hate milestones. Everyone brings the pain back fresh, new, like it just happened... Leaves me crying all the time, depressed, wishing...hoping...praying that things had been different. That I had just one more chance... one more try.
I hate that SO doesn't ever even notice the milestones, doesn't understand the signifigance. You think he'd know, when I start crying... but he never seems to notice. He always still asks why I'm crying... acts like the answer is a surprise. Maybe he thinks I've forgotten about it.. or maybe just wants me to.
I still think about him everyday. I just wish I had my baby. I miss him so much...