I just wanted to introduce myself. I just suffered my 5th missed pg on the 18th. I'm sitting here recovering from my d & c. I don't know what to do with myself. I have to get use to not being pg anymore.
A little background on me:
I have been married for 14 yrs. I have a dd who is 11 yo. I had no problems with that pg or birth. After that, the wheels fell off the bus. I had an ectopic pg in 2000 and a miscarriage in 2001 at 9 wks. Then I got sick. No one was ever able to determine exactly what was wrong with me. I got treated for lyme disease although none of the lyme tests came back pos. I was on medications for many years so I couldn't take the chance of getting pg. Then, when I was 'released', we tried again and got pg. in 2005. That ended in a chemical pg. I tried the fertility specialist in 2006 and had the same outcome. My marriage was strained after that. We needed a break. My last pg happened when no one was watching - total surprise. It was the most pg I have felt. Had all the symptoms. Honestly, I have felt lousy since getting pg. But I wasn't complaining. I had a slight showing on Sunday and knew something was wrong. I went to the dr. on Monday to confirm. I chose to have the d & c because I couldn't go through doing it on my own again.
I feel cheated, angry, sad, lost. I am 40 yo. I don't know where to go from here. I know I have to get through it - I have dd to take care of. DH has been great, but as many of you know, he doesn't quite understand how I feel. I have to face the world of pg women again and not be a part of it. UGH
I have had a ton of testing done, and so far, there is no reason as to why I can't hold on to a pg. I will be making an appt with my ob to go over options. In the meantime, I have to go for blood work to be sure my numbers are coming back down to zero. (Insult to injury)
I have read a lot of your stories and want to tell you that my heart breaks for all of you. Thanks for listening to my story.
Wow, you are an incredibly brave woman. You have endured so many losses and you are still standing. I truly admire you. I am so sorry for all of the children you have lost.
I have no words of wisdom. Just want you to know that I am thinking about you and I'm here if you need to vent.
Lily Maria Kathleen August 10, 2007
first off,let me say i am so sorry for your losses.I just had a D&C on the 12th to confirm an eptopic preg.I too thought this one was gonna be a sticky one asI had every possible symptom and they were all so strong until i had spotting on the 8th,then I knew it was happening again.I am also 40 yr old and went thru 2 surgeries with my RE and waited a year when this preg suprised me.But we were so excited and so happy to finally have gotten preg.I know all to well how hard it is to see the preg women when you are no longer preg.I can't even look at them,have to look away.I will say it isn't bad when i am busy working,but when i am home then I have time to think and get sad again.Time is the only thing that works for me really.After my last loss at 12 weeks in 2003,it took me awhile before I could be around a preg women and not feel sad.But eventually I made it there.So hopefully we will both make it to that point again in time.I am also getting my blood drawn every few days,waiting to hit 0 . Hoping yesterdays test is closer then fridays.I hope you get back to 0 again soon too and that you can find some kind of peace within yourself.Till then ,every one of these ladies are wonderful and will be happy to listen and give advice where they can.Just having a place to talk about it helps so much.